Drabbles
by EnsorcelledReader
Summary: So, these are just drabbles based on homestuck sexcannons. There is no storyline and nothing is related to anything else. I also don't really proofread these (I mostly do them at night as a way to relax), but there shouldn't be a huge amount of typos or anything. The titles of each chapter will let you know which couple is featured in that drabble.
1. Dirkjake

_**Notes:**_ _**Based on Sexcannon 9375: Dirk likes surprising Jake with morning blow jobs. It turns Jake on to see Dirk under the blanket with his mouth around wrapped around his dick.**_ _**Warnings: Morning sex & Blow Jobs**_

Dirk stretched his arms and arched his back, toes reaching until a long satisfying stretch was felt in his entire body. Lazy Saturday mornings, something to treasure and exploit. Jake was fast asleep with a morning boner standing at attention, it's been a while; both of them were worked too hard during the holiday season. Thank god that's over.

Dirk ducked under the blankets, the light from the room filtering through the blankets, creating a nice light to see the tent in Jake's pants. Dirk licked his lips and his mouth watered, he couldn't wait to hear Jake when he woke up. Dirk pulled down the adventurer's pajama pants and was pleasantly surprised to find Jake had gone commando for the night. His penis languidly sprung free and Dirk licked it from base to head, kissing it back down the shaft before sucking his way back up, a hand adding squeezes and touches where he felt they were needed. Jake began to shift under him, the brunette would be awake soon. Dirk swirled his tongue around the tip and took in all of Jake. Brightness filled his vision, Jake was up.

Jake saw his husband around his dick, hair mussed from the previous night's sleep, gorgeous red lips around his cock, half covered by the darkness of the blanket, like the blonde was his little secret, something that belonged to him and him alone. The blonde pulled up, only half of Jake in his mouth. A spit sheen decorated the page's phallus and rosy hue adorned his lover. His dick twitched inside his paramour's mouth. Dirk just looked at him and winked before returning to his worship as Jake did his part, making noise.

"Oh god! Yes! Fuck, too good. Too good!"

Dirk moaned around him and ecstasy consumed him. Their lazy Saturday had just begun, and there was plenty of fun to still be had.


	2. DirkJake2

_**Summary:**_ _**Sexcannon #8112: Dirk is extremely shy during sex.**_ _**Tags: Shy sex/ Anal sex.**_

Jake kissed Dirk, first a sweet closed mouth kiss, melting into something more passionate. Dirk was hesitant as always. The brunette coaxed the blondes tongue into his mouth, sucking the appendage and earning a whimper from his boyfriend. Wandering down, kissing his neck until he reached that delectable little spot between his neck and shoulder. He heard a moan and pulled away, his victim covered in incarnadine arousal, face hidden underneath long fingers.

The page pulled him towards their bedroom, just down the hall. Once there, he motioned for Dirk to sit, returning to the red face, kissing along the jaw. The second hand joined the first, blocking Jake's advancement. The adventurer remedied this by taking one of the hands in his own, kissing the palm and each of the fingers. Green eyes spied orange from a corner glance, "You're quite adorable like this, Dirk." The prince reacted to sex this way, from their very first time, now over a year ago. Jake had been pleasantly surprised by it, he liked slowly enticing Dirk into things, taking the lead and seeing his paramour vulnerable. Most of all, he liked that he was the only one to ever see Dirk in such a state.

Shirts were removed and kisses shared once more, a whisper "If it's too much, say so, I'll stop right away. I promise." An unneeded warning, but one that never ceased to make Dirk relax. Jake kissed down his torso as he noticed the muscles tensing and fluttering. He took a trembling hand in his, always so nervous, like Jake will reject him. He sucked a hickey onto the firm six-pack, earning a breathy gasp. Dirk's hand no longer covering his face, forearm resting on his forehead, face towards the ceiling, eyes carefully watching with slightly obscured vision.

Jake eased down the timid one's pants, removing his hand from theirs just long enough to remove the offending raiment before reestablishing the connection. He kissed both hips and reached for the lube in his pocket, his body heat had warmed it up. "You ready?"

"Y-yeah." A whispered reply.

Jake slicked his fingers and tenderly prodded the opening, working Dirk slowly, whispered encouragement whenever the blonde tensed. "You can do it. Just relax for me okay? You're doing so well. Let me know if it hurts. It's not too much for you right?"

"N-no, it's good." The last word mixed with a moan as Jake pressed his prostate. Pumping his fingers a few more time before removing them, his own clothing soon scattered on the floor. After quickly lubing himself Jake placed himself inside Dirk, waiting for the contortions of discomfort to dissipate from his lover's face. Kisses on the nose, cheek, forehead, and lips were given in an effort to soothe. After several moments Dirk looked into his eyes, "okay," and kissed Jake with passion for an infinitesimal moment before withdrawing, the page chased him, reuniting their lips as he gave the first gentle thrust.

They kept a steady pace, Jake ever gentle and Dirk showing his face now and again. As their excitement climbed Dirk hid his eyes once more. Jake didn't mind, it was great improvement from where he was a year ago. Every time they had sex Jake pulled a little more out of Dirk, it was like an adventure with a little treasure at the end of every mission. This time Dirk was a little noisier, breathy moans dotted each descent and stroke, a little drool could be seen from the corner of beautiful lips. When climax was imminent, Jake licked the special spot behind Dirk's ear, the one that drove him wild; pulling away as they came together.

Jake was given a rare reward that night, the first time he had received it. Dirk's arm and hands fell away, and Jake was gifted the incredible sight of Dirk's face as he peaked.


	3. DirkJake3

_**Summary:**_ _**Sex Canon 1137: Dirk cries during sex sometimes. Not out of sadness, but because of feeling so vulnerable and so close to somebody is emotionally overwhelming. It's very cathartic for him, but it took a while before it stopped making Jake uneasy.**_ _**Tags: Anal sex**_

You don't know if you'll ever get used to feeling this loved. This feeling when Jake strips you bare and splits you open, whispering sweet nothings in your ear, telling you that you're the world. He hasn't left, and you've finally allowed yourself to think that he won't, not any time soon at least.

The way your heart becomes exposed when you two are together like this is overwhelming. The strings are brittle, it beats oddly and off rhythm, it's not as red as it could be and is deformed….but he treats it like it is the world's most sacred treasure. He takes care of you in more ways than you ever thought possible, and you love him, and you're scared of loving him. Scared not because of any lingering fears of him running away again, no you two have worked that out. You're scared because it's so new, it's so raw.

Your relationship isn't like the first time, awkwardness and indirect hinting were banished to what's left of the furthest ring. This time, your relationship has been a bit more mature, more honest, he knows your fears and he accepts them. That's what scares you, how can someone love you this much? How can someone accept you this much? You believe him though, and you've never felt closer to anyone in your life.

Especially now, with him tenderly fu-no what was the term he liked to use? Making love. He's making love to you and it feels wonderful and he's calling you beautiful and precious to him and you believe him, you believe him. Your heart is bare as you let him see every uncensored emotion, every thought, every word that escapes you before you can stop yourself for fear of looking stupid.

"Dirk? Are you okay?" You're crying again, he's stopped moving and his eyes look worried. "You're not hurt are you? Am I hurting you? Is it too much?"

"No." You choke out. The first time this happened you were ashamed and embarrassed, Jake panicked, thought he had hurt you. Now though, you welcome these times, this reminder that you can be so incredible vulnerable and defenseless; and not get hurt. "I'm fine, it just feels really good."

Jake kisses your tears away and moves inside you again. He whispers such nice things. "I love you. So wonderful, I don't think I could ever live without you again. So pretty. So smart." You sob openly and he kisses you with a heat that you can't quite place. It's not a desperate or passionate, but it's more than just sweet. The best way you could describe it is some stereotypical scene of a log cabin on Christmas, with that cheesy couple snuggling close to the fire, they're exchanging gifts and each were given exactly what they wanted only better in some small way. And that recognition, that even after twenty years they still knew each other's heart and soul. That's what the kiss is like. Like all of their future together could be felt and they would never part even after death.

When you finish and come down from both the sexual and emotional high you feel better than you have in days. Those little needlings of insecurity and jealousy and self-doubt melted away, because you can be loved, you can be open. You are no longer that isolated boy growing up in the middle of the ocean, you have friends and you belong…and you have Jake.


	4. JohnDave

_**Summary:**_ _**Sexcanon 1657: Dave loves to rim. John will never admit he loves it.**_ _**Tags: Rimming**_

Dave's kissing down his spine, down to the small of his back, kissing both cheeks of his ass before he's spread and open before the blonde.

"I'll never understand what you get out of this. It's so gross."

"What can I say? I love Egbutt." Dave trailed his tongue from the top of the cheek down to the John's pucker. The brunette was doing his best not to tremble, not to show how much he actually wanted Dave's tongue. A lazy stroke across his hole made John shudder, he would deny it until the day he died, how much he liked it when Dave did this to him.

Dave probed the hole, feeling the muscle resist him as he pressed harder with his tongue. John squirmed at his ministrations and Dave moaned and gripped the heir's ass harder, spreading him wider, working his tongue a little deeper.

John forced his hand over his mouth, trying to keep his noise in, trying not to show that when Dave did this to him he was nothing more than putty. Conceptually, this was really gross….but it reality it felt too good to think about it in any way involving sanitation. John couldn't help but clench and Dave moaned against him more. He was really fucking into this wasn't he?

Dave loved everything about rimming, John was clean and smelled of soap, his own scent appearing as he started to dissolve under Dave. The feeling of the intimate area on his tongue, and yes, even the taste, made Dave's head spin. His dick hard as he pressed his tongue harder against John's constricting entrance. Soon Dave couldn't help but move against John in slow undulating motions as his tongue worked faster and his hands squeezed harder.

He wasn't sure when John came, or how many times, all he knows is John only drools and rests limply like this when Dave rims him. John still vehemently denies his enjoyment of the activity, even when trembling at the mere mention of it.

 _ **Notes:**_ _**This was my first time writing DaveJohn and rimming, so it's not great. I hope it you enjoyed it anyway though.**_


	5. DirkRoxy(Platonic, sort of)

_**Notes:**_ _**Homestuck Sexcanon 2474:**_  
 _ **Roxy and Dirk once tried to have cybersex, but Roxy felt uncomfortable about it as he didn't really feel anything while doing it. Now they just do it for pure fun without going to far.**_ _**Tags: Suggestive roleplay**_

 _ **For keviratheshipmaster from tumblr! I ended up thinking about a dozen different ways I could do this before settling on what's written. I hope you like it!**_

TG: I'm boed

TG:*bored

TT: *Brings out the Roxy entertainment pole*

TG: YEAH! Dance! Dance! Dance!

TT: *Suggestively takes off shirt and throws it at TG. Strikes a pose before strutting my fuckin stuff on the proverbial runway*

TG: *Fans self because the sexy Strider bod is too much*

TT: *Flexes muscles, spins on the pole, stopping in a splits move and winks at the beautiful lady.*

TG: Pants off! Pants off!

TT: *Surprise, they break away! Reveals impossibly fucking tight underwear that leaves nothing to the imagination and will probably prevent me from ever donating sperm or having kids in the future. Like vice grip tight, but my manager won't let me wear something else because the customers love it and I need the money. That kind of tight.*

TG: *Winks and flashes a hundred dollar bill, because I'm a rich bitch."

TT: *Walks-up in my tight ass undies and tries to take the money with my teeth.*

TG: *Pulls money away and gestures to my lap (sit yo fine ass down boy)*

TT: *Sits down on your lap. Laying against you. Takes your hand and lets you feel my ripped abs.*

TG: *Fully distracted and drooling over hotness*

TT: *Takes money while you're distracted. Grabs your hand and brings you on stage with me. Pushes you against the pole, smothering you with my awesome built form.*

TG: *Blushes as I can't help but let my hands brush down those fucking hawt muscles and offers another $50*

TT: Make it another $100 and I'll take you to the VIP room.

TG: *Hands you my purse.*

Roxy sat back and giggled, this was so much fun. She thought idly, while waiting for Dirk's response, of the first time they did this, when they were trying to be sexy (or at least, she was trying to be sexy). It didn't really work, Dirk was awkward as fuck despite his dirty talking skills, kept fucking up and talking about Roxy's non-existent dick. He just wasn't into it, even though he seemed to want to be. She knew he was gay even before then, but that incident kind of solidified things. She couldn't bring herself to go through with that session, it just felt weird when he wasn't into it like she was. He was understanding though. A month later they started doing things like this. Setting up scenes, doing stupid shit, but it was fun now. There wasn't any expectation to actually get off, this was their weird way of bonding, and it made them both happy.

TT: *Goes behind the curtain and comes back out in nothing put ass-less chaps and a fucking cowboy hat (see what I do for you Roxy? Messed up my perfect hair).* Get ready for the best lap dance of your life.

 _ **Notes:**_ _**I have a headcannon that Dirk will do, say, and write, really stupid or goofy stuff if he thinks it will make Roxy smile.**_

 _ **For more sexcannons check here:**_  
 _ **And to see these as soon as I post them follow me here:**_


	6. Cronkri

_**Notes: Sexcanon 3616: Cronus once caught Kankri jacking off and Kankri tried to hide himself but eventually opened up and they fucked.**_

 _ **Tags: Masturbation/Troll sex**_

 _ **For the two anons who requested it and Linda065cliva because she loves cronkri.**_

Cronus had been hearing muffled moaning sounds for the past several minutes and was trying to track the sound down and tell whoever was making the noise to keep it down and stop reminding him that he's single. He found the noises emanating from Kankri's room and smirked to himself, Mr. Celibacy's must not consider masturbation part of his vows. Nonetheless, Kankri could certainly be noisy, kind of turning Cronus on now that he knows the source. He leaned against the door, palming himself, not realizing the door wasn't 100% closed and falling through the doorway, sprawled out on the floor, his hand on his crotch as he heard Kankri yelp at the intrusion.

The seer tried to cover himself, but couldn't find his pants, opting for a nearby pillow to cover his indecency instead. "Cronus, it's highly triggering to enter someone's room without first acquiring consent to enter."

"Sorry Chief, I, uh, could hear you and wasn't sure whether I should bother you or not. Although, I could help with your situation." Cronus waggled his eyebrows to emphasize his point.

"I surely have no idea what you're talking about. I was reading, I wasn't making noise. You know very well about my vow of celibacy."

"I'm pretty sure I know what those noises were, chief. No shame in it."

"I have no need for such base activities, not belittling those that do need that of course, it is a natural biological urge. I merely find such things distracting from my larger goals and therefore do not engage in such activities."

Cronus stood up, walked over to Kankri and ripped the pillow from his grasp; revealing a very large bulge writhing and leaking red genetic fluid. He cocked his eyebrows and gave the seer a smirk. "You sure about that chief?"

Kankri grabbed the pillow back covering himself once more, "Just because my body is reacting a certain way doesn't mean anything. This is embarrassing enough without you adding fuel to the fire. I already feel traitorous to my own ideals, I don't need you throwing it in my face."

"Kankri, you ever think that maybe it's your ideals that should change? Not you?"

"What will the others think of me if I can't uphold what I preach?"

"Honestly, I think they'd prefer it. No one likes it when someone else acts perfect and points out everything wrong with everything around them. It's troll nature to do some stupid or hurtful shit sometimes, I think knowing that and admitting that and apologizing if you hurt someone counts more than trying to be perfect and lecturing everyone." Cronus stared into the red blood's eyes, grazing his lips against the already quivering male. "Maybe you should learn to have some fun."

Kankri kissed him, hard, desperate and needy, something had been knocked loose in that skull of his. Hands were grasping at the violet-blood's pants, practically ripping them off. Cronus took hold of Kankri's wrists, pinning him to the bed, "Does this trigger you?"

"No" frantic pants and bucking hips saturated his words. "Please keep going."

Cronus kissed Kankri harshly, nipping his bottom lip with sharp teeth as their bulges entwined and Kankri moaned into his mouth. The bard rocked his hips earning mewls from his victim. He realeased on of the shaking hands, which scrambled along his back, touching every muscles, pulling him closer. Time for the next step.

The hope player detangled their bulges, directing his towards Kankri's nook, the seer whimpered. "I've got you." He whispered. Red eyes met violet and anxiety could be seen on both their faces, soon dissolving into lust and pleasure as they felt each other's tentacles entering their nooks. Cronus was gentle keeping a slow steady pace, trying to stay aware of Kankri's state despite the haze washing over him with a huge red wriggling bulge in him.

The blood player was surprisingly loud in bed. Nothing intelligible, mostly screams and moans, the occasional call of his partner's name, Cronus rather enjoyed it; knowing he could make someone lose it like this, especially Kankri. Someone finally found him desirable.

 _ **Notes:**_ _**I was in a pretty bad mood when I wrote this (irritating day), so it's not great. I hope you enjoyed reading it though.**_


	7. Arasol & Davekat

_**Summary:**_ _**Sexcanon 2543: All time players last extremely long in bed, and have the power to postpone their partner's orgasm.**_ _**Tags: Orgasm delay, marathon sex, troll sex, human/troll sex**_

 _ **Requested by Linda065cliva**_

Aradia thrust into Sollux again, "Thit Aradia" he moaned. She was relentless though, even after three hours, neither had climaxed yet. She was using her time powers to stretch out the time it took for his body to react to the sensation. Every thrust took roughly three seconds for Sollux to register, making it difficult to build up enough to climax, especially when she messes with the time experience of his body, if he seems to be getting too riled up, she will reverse the time for him, the memories of carnal activity stays in his mind, but his body is reverted to foreplay mode.

"FUCK DAVE!" Dave uses a slightly different tactic. He chooses to fuck Karkat senseless, until the troll is just at the brink before freezing Karkat's sense of time, allowing his body to calm down enough before his mind can catch up. As a result, Karkat is becoming increasingly frustrated that his body seems unable to orgasm.

Little did either Sollux or Karkat realize, this was a time battle between Aradia and Dave, whose technique was better? The bedrooms shared a wall, both could hear the cries of carnal activity from either room and both knew that the other's session was still in progress.

Dave continued to thrust into Karkat, hearing him swear and beg Dave, well his idea of begging, to let him come. "Fuck come on Dave, you starting to piss me off!" He nibbled on the blood player's ear, effectively silencing him, well, not silencing him, "Ah- Ah- FUCK~", but stopping the angry protests.

Sollux has never had a very good sense of time, and was more just enjoying the sensation, although he was getting really sore. "You almoth done?" At this point he had reassigned himself to not coming today. They had already been going at it for so long.

"I thought you were enjoying it."

"I wath but I've got thit to do." This is where Aradia's technique proved superior, she pulled the timeline of his body from when they started, laying it over Sollux to experience again. "Ahhhhffffuuuucccckkkk"

Dave however, was experiencing issues he could not control, his matesprit. Karkat was stronger than he looked and apparently had had enough of Dave dragging this out. He flipped the two over, successfully distracting Dave and making his carefully tuned time skills go offline. Karkat proceeded to ride him mercilessly, Dave covering his mouth trying to keep his moans in while Karkat screamed his name. It wasn't long before both climaxed and were left sated and exhausted in bed.

Aradia, hearing that she had won the bet, allowed all of the previous timelines of Sollux's arousal to combine together, overwhelming him as he came hard. She wasn't far behind and it was morning before either could move.

A good two days later (both couples needed time to recover), Dave and Aradia could be seen talking in hushed tones in the corner of the kitchen; Dave looking slightly disappointed and Aradia looking smug. Finally, a CD was handed over and Aradia walked triumphantly to her room.

 _ **Notes:**_ _**This won't normally happen, but I was really irritated to day. My teacher cancelled class like fifteen minutes before it was supposed to start, I have a three hour commute round trip and it was my only class of the day. So on one hand, yay no class, on the other I wasted a minimum of three hours for something SHE KNEW WASN'T GOING TO HAPPEN SINCE LAST NIGHT! Just…GAH! Anyway, writing smutty fanfics makes everything better =P**_ _**Hope you guys like.**_ _**So someone had a request that I denied and I thought maybe you guys would like to know when and if I take requests. I DO take requests for these drabbles here:**_  
 _ **Rules:**_  
 _ **can only choose from the sexcanons I reblog. This is mostly due to a personal preference thing. I don't really have a preference for ships, it's just I only post the ones that I immediately had an idea for. There are about 60 on my blog right now, 300 in my queue and still more left over, so there is plenty of variety available or will be available.**_ _**2\. I tag each of the sexcanons I reblog with a number, please use that number, not the sexcanon number, when requesting. It just makes it easier for me to find it when it's time to write.**_ _**3\. I write them in the order they are requested, so if I don't write yours immediately then there was someone in front of you. I only write these monday-thursday (I write stuff for my stories on the weekend), so please be patient.**_ _**If you can abide by those three rules then you're good! Request away!**_


	8. DaveHal

_**Notes**_

 _ **Sexcanon 2582: Dave once got his hands on AR for some dirty talk while masturbating. It turned into Dave being denied orgasm for an hour or two.**_

 _ **For the anon (from tumblr) who requested it. This was really close to the 1000 word limit I try to put on these drabbles. I hope you enjoy.**_

Dave had heard from Roxy that AR was pretty good at dirty talking, it's kind of weird going to his alternate timeline bro's consciousness, created from his thirteen year old brain, for dirty talk; he tries not to think about it. Sneaking into Dirk's room Dave steals AR away, quietly making his way back to his own room, before closing the door. The knight sits on his bed, hands trembling with what he's about to do, is this wrong? Maybe he could just try talking with it first, it was sentient after all, not a sex toy. Slipping on the shades, red text already visible:

TT: Hello Dave

Deep breath.

TG: Hey, AR.

TT: Hal, call me Hal. So, Roxy said you were in need of my services. About time you put me on, what was the hold up?

TG:…

TT: Dude, you shy? You're a Strider for god's sake.

TG: I'm not shy, this is just fucking weird.

TT: Before you go any further, you should know that I can see everyone's internet history.

TG:…

TT: With all the apple-centric porn you watch, is this really that weird. How about I level the playing field for you? Roxy loves tentacle porn. Dirk has a fetish for puppets and horses. Jake has a fetish for the color blue and loves to see people stick guns up asses. Jane's a feeder. Jade loves furry porn. Rose has a serious blood kink. And you're "I'm not a homosexual" buddy? Dude's straight up into vore. Me dirty talking you really isn't that weird when put into context, is it?

TG: I guess not.

TT: My only question is why not do this with your alien boyfriend?

TG: Karkat and I aren't ready for sex and his dirty talk…almost always involves buckets for some reason…and he pretty much shouts it in my ear.

TT: Say no more. So, you ready to do this?

TG: Yes.

TT: Good, put your hands up by your head, okay?

Dave did as he was told.

TT: Don't move them unless I say you can.

TG: Okay

TT: Don't talk unless I say you can either. Now, I've tied your hands to bed and I'm palming that pretty cock you have. Not ready to let it out yet though. I bite your ear just the way you like and am kissing down that supple body you have. You're very pretty Dave, did you know that? Probably did, I'm biting your nipples as my hands massage you abdomen, feeling every one of your muscles.

Dave's breath hitched as he forced his hands to stay in place.

TT: I'm grinding against you now, doesn't that feel nice? You can rub your hands along your thighs if you like, don't touch your dick yet.

Dave followed Hal's rules, rubbing his inner thighs, inching as close to his dick as possible without actually touching it. Keeping his needy sounds within him.

TT: What do we have here? Apple slices, coated in caramel just like you prefer. I mix the caramel with what's dribbling from your leaking phallus, you whore, before trailing it all the way up your chest and forcing it into your mouth, and while you're chewing on it I force another slice in your mouth, fucking your mouth with it, you're choking a little, drool and juice leaking from the side of your mouth. That's okay.

TT: You may use your fingers if you like.

Dave mouth immediately opened plunging his fingers in, as his other hand was a fraction away from his throbbing dick. A small whimper escaping him.

TT: You may touch yourself now.

Dave shoved his pants out of the way, wrapping his hand around his dick, using his spit as lube, moaning as he stroked.

TT: Now that your dick is nice and candy coated, I think I deserve a taste. I take your tip into my mouth, swirling my tongue around it. I take all of you in and let you fuck my throat, moaning as you complete debase me. Or try to debase me, your writhing pretty hard against you restraints, your hip must be really strong for you to be able to still buck so hard.

Dave was wasn't even trying to hold back his noise any more, moaning outright "Hal." He couldn't believe how close he was already, just a little more and he would-

TT: Don't come.

TG: What?  
TT: I haven't given you permission to come, don't come."

Dave whined and slowed his rhythm.

TT: I'm not done, I haven't given your balls the slightest bit of attention yet. I'm kissing them and sucking them….

…

(Three hours later)

Dave was trembling, tears falling from his eyes. Thumb passing over his slit, just as he was told. His finger up his ass, circling his prostate, the place he's not yet allowed to touch. "Please Hal, fuck, I-I gotta" Any communication with pesterchum (the glasses follow the eyes in order to type), long abandoned.

TT: Press it.

Dave let out a sob as he pressed it, desperate for the relief from carnal limbo. He was so worked up, just needed Hal to let him. He just needed-

TT: Come Dave.

The time player obeyed as sweet reward washed over him and as the tide pulled back, darkness crept in. The next morning, the shades were gone, Dave was naked from the waist down on his bed, and was too embarrassed to ask at breakfast who had come into his room.

 _ **Notes:**_ _**I would have broken my Monday-Thursday schedule for Jaboody's (from tumblr) AR day but had this really annoying law assignment to do over the weekend ;-; I consider this a belated celebration. Unfortunately, I'm not great at writing Hal.**_


	9. Cronkri2

_**Notes: Sexcanon 2812: Neither Kankri nor Cronus really knows what sex is. Their first time together was really awkward and funny.**_

 _ **For Linda065cliva, I hope you week gets better! I don't know how funny this is, but it's awkward as hell. I hope you enjoy it!**_

"Well, if it would help your species dysphoria, I suppose I could offer my assistance. What exactly is involved in the human mating ritual?"

Cronus and Kankri sat on a human bed in Cronus' room. They had been going out for a year now, Kankri had remained celibate the entire time.

"Really, chief?"

"From what I understand, human intercourse is vastly different from pailing. I don't consider it a violation of my vows."

"Alright then, let's do it."

An awkward silence hung in the air as the two stared blankly at each other. Kankri sat expectantly, while Cronus was so excited he didn't he couldn't speak.

"Well?"

"Well…?"

"How do we begin?"

"Er right, we…um…get naked…?"

"Okay." Kankri removed his sweater revealing his excessively high-waist pants. Cronus nude in two seconds flat, bulge writhing, nook dripping wet. He was tempted to remove Kankri's pants himself, but he didn't want to push his luck. Kankri's pants were removed at his own goddamned leisurely pace, while Cronus watched in awe. It was trollnalisa, beautiful art in front of him. Kankri's lithe body, so perfect, brushstrokes nearly visible and so tempting to touch. When both were naked he was met with a "Now what?"

…Cronus didn't know. He hadn't been able to find any human porn yet, going completely based off a few R-rated movies, the sex was under thin sheets; enough for him to get the gist, but not full mechanics of the act.

"Um…lay back." Kankri reclined, staring at the ceiling, unsure of what was supposed to happen next. Cronus crawled on top of Kankri, looking into the incarnadine eyes, trying to think of what to do.

"Is this it? Are we having human sex?" Asked Kankri.

"Um, not yet, I gotta…" Cronus remembered seeing a thrusting motion of the human's hips, and the other human's legs were bent. He positioned himself between Kankri's legs, bending the other trolls knees and began grinding into the sheets between Kankri's legs. He groaned a little, the friction of the fabric on his bugle felt nice, not as good as troll sex though. Kankri just laid there awkwardly, there's no way this was breaking his vows. He allowed his hands to trace down Cronus' back, feeling the muscles, which seemed to spur Cronus on. The high-blood sucked at Kankri's neck earning a small hitch in the lecturer's breath. However, just as Kankri was starting to get into it, Cronus managed to climax into the sheets, getting his genetic fluid all over himself and Kankri, who tried his best not to look disgusted.

The two lay there uncomfortably for a few moments while Cronus regained his wits. Kankri cleared his throat, "Well…so that was human sex."

Cronus nodded "Yeah, uh, would you like me to do it the regular way?"

"The Beforan form of intercourse would be a break of my vows, besides, we don't have a bucket for genetic collection. I'm quite fine Cronus, thank you."

"I think I messed up though, both partners are supposed to get off."

"Well, from what I understand, inexperienced pairings notoriously leave the receiving partner unsatisfied. It's merely a matter of practice."

"Would you like to practice with me again sometime?" Cronus asked wagging his eyebrows suggestively.

"I would like to engage in this activity again to become more acquainted with human mating culture, so, yes. For the betterment of understanding between us and the humans, perhaps an ablution first though."


	10. DirkJake4

_**Notes:**_ _**Sexcanon 1165: Jake sometimes takes those Cosmo sex tips seriously, and he's actually tried them out on Dirk several times, which never ends well.**_

 _ **I'm sorry anon from tumblr. This was surprisingly hard to write. This is a true drabble, only 100 words. A better one tomorrow, I promise! Just, fuck, those cosmo sex tips were worse than I thought they would be.**_

Your name is Dirk Strider and your boyfriend is going down on you right now….with mango in his mouth…because of fucking Cosmo magazine. Your pretty sure Roxy gave it to him as a joke, but he took those stupid fucking sex tips seriously. It feels kind of gross around your dick, but you try to moan and encourage Jake anyway. Eww… the mango is falling out of his mouth and onto the bedsheets. You need to burn that fucking magazine. His jaw is getting tired, you can tell, you can't fucking climax like this though. Cosmo can burn in hell.

 _ **Notes:**_ _**Chose #8 from this list: advice/ridiculous-tips/the-best-of-ridiculous-tips-for-a-miserable-sex-life-emcosmopolitan-em-edition**_


	11. DirkJake5

Jake lay naked in a bath of the moon's glow, surprisingly silent tonight. Only the buzz of the toy in him while he was splayed out on his bed. Breath robbed from him as erotic delight danced on his senses. This is what you wanted, right, darling? When the toy appeared on his bed randomly, while he was in the throes of what he likes to call self-care. Dirk knew him so well and was so sweet, a love letter, until we meet. Lust-filled images of the blonde played in the theatre of his mind, the part of the handsome hero, meeting his lover under the cloak of night.

Muscles flexed and held him, disrobed skin a euphoric drug, making his mind float and his reactions slow. This is how he likes him right? Pliable and without restraint? The toy buried further inside him as he thought of Dirk, it was him inside Jake, not just through fantasy, through meaning. Dirk wanted inside him, that's why he gifted Jake with this treat. Thinking only of his pleasure, Jake must admit, it's better than his fingers. The pleasant vibrations against his button and screams of the one that was not yet his.

Maybe a video? Jake worked the toy in him for the tenth night in a row, this time without the vibrations. He felt the gentle rocking of the toy and imagined the blonde above him. Secret in the realm of mystery, what would he smell like? Feel like? Taste like? Would a southern drawl fall from his lips and fill Jake with the intoxicating drink. His mind fading from a theatre to nothing but clouds, nothing truly distinct, but a ghost of beloved images still held.

Jake has come to realize he's a drooler, he wasn't before Dirk's little gift, although he had finally worked up the courage to give a gift of his own. Last night he recorded himself and sent it to Dirk, how he wished he could have seen the blonde's face. It seemed to have been received well though, a little carnal reply was returned. Dirk said he had an idea a way to have sex, at least symbolically, his likeness and a few tiny cameras. While under construction, Jake makes sure to put on a show, the praise he gets is nice, Dirk likes the way he drools. A binding of awkward hearts that is perfectly weird, touching, loving, and sewn together with words of tenderness.

Dirk finally confesses of his mistake, sending him the vibrator, it was never meant for Jake. He was just too ashamed to admit the mistake, it was meant for himself. Jake tells him it wasn't a mistake, it as fate, the perverted bastard who seeks give them something so wonderful and pure, out of a dirty little misunderstanding.

 _ **Notes:**_ _**Kind of a weird drabble, but I hope you guys liked it.**_


	12. JohnDave2

_**Notes:**_ _**Homestuck Sexcanon #6268: Whenever Dave and John go out on double dates, Dave forces John to wear a cock ring and have a small vibrator inside him, which Dave has the remote to. The amount of times he moans is the number of times Dave will cum inside him.**_

 _ **Surprise random weekend (this was a weekend post on tumblr)smut drabble for anon from tumblr! Basically I'm avoiding responsibilities and low key stressing about avoiding responsibilities. This is the result.**_ _**Tags: cockrings, vibrators, dom/sub, some slight humiliation stuff going on, public sex play, anal sex, roadhead**_

Normally John didn't like going out in public with a toy in him, but tonight was a double date with Dirk and Jake, so it wasn't so bad. Their boyfriends sat across the table from them, John and Dirk sitting next to each other, a silent bet to see who could go longest without moaning, a direct opposition of their partners' wishes. Jake had a wickedly devious look in his eyes tonight, John chose not to say anything. The two doms were conversing about god knows what, John was distracted by the light buzzing in his core and the ring around his cock. Dirk seemed to have it worse, white knuckling the fabric on the booth seat. Where the hell were they? John hadn't even really paid attention, the decorations suggest a Chinese restaurant. The menu was in front of him, but he struggled to hold the words in his mind long enough to understand them, much less make a decision.

The waitress had come to take their order, Dave was merciful and ordered for him, he never was one for outright humiliation, he preferred secrecy and watching John choke on his food. Dirk wasn't so lucky, not only did Jake make him order, but he ramped up the intensity of whatever Dirk had in him, the blonde was trembling and stuttering to get his words out.

"Sir, are you okay?"

Jake finally chose to step in. "Social anxiety, I apologize. This was a sort of exposure therapy, to help him get over his fears."

The waitress didn't seem to believe him, but the expression on her face said she didn't want to know the truth either. Jake gave Dirk a look of disapproval before turning his remote to the highest setting. Dirk covered his mouth, resting his forehead on the table trying to keep his noise in. Both Jake and Dave seemed greatly amused. John was just trying to keep his own situation under control.

When the food arrived, it was Dave's turn to play with his remote. Whenever John took a bite of anything the vibrator was turned on full blast, making John choke on his egg roll. After the third time, John couldn't help, but moan. When their meal was finished Dave escorted John to the bathroom, to clean up the food mess on his shirt. Jake could hardly wait to get Dirk' into the car.

Once in the bathroom, Dave shoved John into the nearest stall, forcing him against the door and whispering in his ear "You were quiet tonight", the vibrations all the way up again, sound caught in John's throat. Dave forcefully picked him up grinding against him, earning a sobbing groan from his victim. "That makes twice you've moaned tonight and only twice I will come inside you. Is that what you want?"

"N-no"

"Then why?"

"E-embarrassing"

Dave scoffed, this was his third attempt with public play, looks like he'll have to either kick it up a notch or try something different.

"Please master, I want you inside me." John whispered in his ear.

Dave stared at him, thinking. "No." John sobbed again and Dave dropped him, turned off the vibrator, wrenching the door open, taking the back way out of the restaurant (they'd already paid). He pushed John into the passenger seat, before jumping into the driver's seat and undoing his pants. "You're going to blow me the entire way. Do that and I'll come inside you tonight as many times as possible."

That was enough incentive for John as he dove into Dave's lap. The ride home was dangerous, but mostly empty, no cops at least. About half way through Dave turned the vibrator onto its highest setting, forbidding John from climax. When he pulled in the driveway and turned off the car John pulled off his dick, kissing his neck instead, begging. "Please master, please, fuck I need you." Dave rushed out of the car, pulling John with him.

Once inside the house Dave bolted for the bedroom, why didn't he keep lube on him? Rummaging through the bedside table he quickly found the lube. John already naked and on the bed, cock beautiful and leaking with the ring around it. Dave carefully took out the vibrator, slicking himself up before pushing into John.

The breath player played his part as a wanton whore quite well for his partner, and Dave kept his word, coming inside him again and again until both were completely exhausted and overwhelmingly sated.


	13. JohnDave3 (Unrequited) DaveCouchcushion

_**Notes:**_ _**Sexcanon 6191: Dave has a major virginity kink. He'd fuck a couch cushion if it was innocent enough.**_ _**Tags: Masturbation and rubbing himself against a couch cushion.**_

 _ **I'm not sure if this really worked completely with the prompt though. Opinions?**_

Dave laid back on the brand new leather couch Bro bought last weekend. Once again, he was home alone, Bro left about three days ago, no idea where. At least he left money this time. It was times like these Dave wished he could bring a certain brunette over, those dorky glasses and buck toothed grin made his heart melt and he KNEW John was a virgin. How he'd love to be the first to introduce the pale boy to the wonders of anal sex. Stretch him out and lube him up, whispering words of reassurance as John expressed hesitation and nervousness. Don't worry baby, I got you, I'll make you feel fan-fucking-tastic, literally.

That would never happen though, not with John's constant "I'm not a homosexual" dance he did every time anything gay was brought up. Gay marriage "I'm happy for them, but it makes no difference to me; I'm not a homosexual." Jade and her yaoi shipping? "Why do you ship guys together all the time? I don't get the whole gay thing." That prick who dared John to kiss him or forfeit fifty bucks, "I'm not gay, I'm not kissing a dude." That one broke Dave's heart a little.

Still, John never had sex, maybe he could be persuaded, or maybe he was in denial. Maybe he was asexual, that would explain a-fucking-lot. John was as pure as this new fucking couch, Bro wouldn't sit on it or let Dave sit on it at all. Dave still shouldn't be on it, but Bro isn't here so who gives a fuck. He allowed his hands to massage the fine unsoiled leather. He was the first to touch this couch, just like he wanted to be the first to touch John. He took out his dick, half hard from the thought just kissing John. Taking one of the couch cushions, pressing it against his naked member, yeah fucking untouched.

He rutted against the cushion in his hands, think of his unrequited love. John, massaging his hole that is tight as hell. And when he presses against his prostate the guy is shocked and confused that something could feel that could without touching his dick. He begs Dave for more and Dave can work his magic, working him up into a frenzy, swallowing his cock and just when John's on the edge, he pulls away. John would whine and beg him to touch that special spot again, instead Dave would slick himself a gently push in. John would moan at the feeling, never even thought about putting something in his ass before. He'd tell Dave how full he feels suddenly become so shy, because he wants Dave to move, but his excitement's come down enough that he's self-conscious again. He doesn't know how to handle the vulnerability. Dave would fuck him gently though and John would slowly melt underneath him, all because Dave showed him how fucking good it feels.

The blonde came onto the new cushion, both satisfied and annoyed, now he'd have to clean this shit up and pray it doesn't stain. At least he was the first to mark the new couch.

After cleaning up his mess, he retired to his room, John had messaged him with some shitty movie trailer, asking him if he wanted to see it this weekend. Dave knew it wasn't a real date, but at least he could pretend.

 _ **Notes:**_ _**Honestly, this was supposed to be kind of a WTF and funny drabble. I don't know what happened.**_ _**Also...what am I doing with my life?**_


	14. DirkJake6

_**Notes:**_ _**Homestuck Sexcanon1963: Jake screams extremely ridiculous and silly during sex. He's way too loud and frequently wake neighbors up. His orgasms can be heard across the world.**_

 _ **This turned out better than if I had done it yesterday (sorry guys, I just wasn't feeling up to it yesterday). I hope you guys like it. Big shout out to kforshort for this post: post/54503264088/ridonkulously-long-list-of-words-jake-english-says So helpful when writing this.**_

Dirk pushed Jake roughly against the wall, kissing him hard. The brunette's mind hazy from the stimulation as he clumsily tried to hang on. He moaned into Dirk's mouth, making the blonde shudder. Time to take this up a notch. Dirk pushed Jake up, signaling the adventurer to wrap his legs around the muscular hips of his paramour. Dirk gripped the page's ass, using it as leverage to grind Jake into the wall, earning him a breathless "Jumping Jehosaphat" in his ear. Dirk silenced the silly talk with his mouth, sealing it over Jakes, hot tongues tangling and a broken half heard pleas for more.

Dirk's arms were starting to get tired, but he wasn't about to let his boyfriend go, not when it takes so long to turn him on. He re-adjusted, the distribution of weight to take all of Jake, and slowly move towards the bedroom down the hall. Jake tried to break the kiss, but a firm squeeze of his ass had him moaning even louder into Dirk's mouth.

Once in their room, Dirk set him down on the bed, climbing on top of him. He broke this kiss, stripped Jake of his shirt and started kissing down his torso while palming him through his shorts. "Brain fucker, Dirk," the page nearly shouted. The prince smirked "I'll fuck your brains out soon."

"Land sakes alive." Jake moaned, his noise level rising with his level of arousal.

Dirk couldn't take it anymore, he wanted Jake screaming. He divested himself and Jake of the rest of their clothing, lubing his fingers as he prodded Jake's hole.

"Oh my stars and garters!" was the response to the intrusion, hot breath on his neck as Dirk worked him open.

Dirk circled his prostate, not giving Jake what the little whines and a crumbling attempts to keep his noise down begged for. "Shitting howdy, Dirk. Working all this boner magic, please, just, consarn it dickprince, FUCK ME!" His scream of frustration sending shockwaves through Dirk's system, yes, yes, he will fuck Jake, hard.

He flash lubed himself and was in Jake before another word could be uttered, fucking him into sweet oblivion.

"Dastardly dandy with the phantasmal erection. Overzealous trollop of –HELLO NURSE!"

Dirk hated how much he was getting off on Jake's noise. It was the voice and the volume, not the words, never the words.

"Shiver me timbers! SHUCKY DARN! Ah! AH! YES! SOCK IT TO ME! USE THAT NEFARIOUS MANMEAT!"

If Dirk weren't balls deep in Jake's ass, his boner would have been killer by now, Jake's tightness at least made up for it.

"Holey Toledo! HAH! MORE MORE! TORMENTING JESUS CHRISTOFER KRINGLEFUCKER! LECHEROUS NETHERDUMPLINGS! SPANKING SOCKDOLAGER!"

Dirk moaned into Jake's shoulder, he shouldn't love this. He shouldn't be this close from Jake's fucking nonsense.

"THROTOLLING TROUSERS! WHOA NELLY! YOWZA! HOBBOLDIHOY ROCKET OF SPIFFY DICKIES! TALLY HO!"

Dirk came, he came from Jake shouting that bullshit. At least Jake finished too, the fluid coating his stomach, the blonde tempted to lick it off him. Instead he opted for a tissue to clean them both up. Jake was too exhausted to move.

When they awoke the next morning letters from the neighbors were at their door. Roxy's was a drawing of them having sex with just about every ridiculous word Jake uttered. Jane's was a polite letter requesting that they either fuck earlier in the night, or try to keep it down, she has work. Dave's was a copy of a remix, using Jake's carnal cries as a base. Karkat's was an incomprehensible string of expletives.


	15. DirkJake7

_**Notes:**_ _**Homestuck sexcanon 2409: Jake likes his partners to be loud, especially if they're moaning his name.**_ _**Tags: Praise Kink, Biting, teasing**_

"C'mon Jake….fuck…" Dirk pleaded under his breath. Jake had the blonde's hands pinned above his head, completely in him, but not moving.

"Not until you stop that blasted bad habit." Jake rocked his hips, giving Dirk as taste of his reward should he comply. "Give me what I want and I'll give you what you want.

Dirk moaned "fffuck" biting his lip and gritting his teeth, trying to keep his Strider cool and stoicism even when he's flat on his back and near begging Jake to fuck him properly.

"Give me what I want Dirk. Give it to me." The coil of arousal nestled in the prince's gut flared at the command, he just couldn't though, he couldn't be some whiny bitch. These walls were thin, he wasn't about to let the others hear him and mock his submissive nature, even when he badly wanted to give into it.

Jake could see his boyfriend would need some more coaxing, too bad for Dirk, Jake knew his kinks. He kissed the blondes jaw, making small sucking noises as he made his way to a particularly sensitive spot behind his ear, sucking that area hard, leaving his paramour breathless. Now for real tease, he kissed his way down to the juncture between Dirk's neck and shoulder, baring his teeth against the skin, applying a hint of pressure. A small whine finally worked its way from the back of Dirk's throat. Jake whispered huskily in his ear. "You want it Dirk? Want me to bite you and fuck you until you can't walk?"

"Yes." A small, quiet reply, unsatisfying.

"Darling, I want to give you everything, everything you want. But I need a payment of my own Dirk. You can't hold back any of those delectable little noises you make. Can you do that for me?"

"I…uh…" Jake went for the juncture once more, biting a little harder, but still not giving Dirk what he really wanted. "a-a-a-a-h-h-h-h-" a staccato whine nearly breaking the moan barrier.

"Come along sweetheart," rolling Dirk's nipples between his fingers as he whispered into his shoulder. "You're so close. Just a little more. Moan for me." A flick of the tongue across the raised buds and a soft thrust of his hips.

"Oh god, Jake." There we go, a wonderful little moan. It was progress. What else could Jake do?

"You smell delightful." Dirk looked away, his whole body flushing pink, he always hated it; Jake found it thrilling. "Ah, finally got you to flush for me. You're so beautiful. Look at you." Jake gave a small nip to Dirk's nipples, making the blonde gasp. "Good enough to eat, especially your lovely cock. Maybe after this I'll suck you. Would you like that? Seeing my lips around you? Moaning as I feel you thick, long dick in my mouth. I mean, you're very large Dirk. Would you make me take it all?"

Dirk's head tossed with every sentence, his breath labored and panting, whispered pleas of "Jake" constantly leaving him. Any thoughts of people outside their room long gone. It was time.

Jake bite down hard on the area between his neck and shoulder, thrusting hard several times into Dirk.

"Ah! J-jake! Y-yes!"

"Good boy Dirk. A little louder darling." He continued plunging into the blonde, sucking on the growing bruise he had just made.

Dirk strained against Jake's hands holding his in place, back arching, mind growing hazy, restraint out the window. "J-JAKE!"

"That's it, love." Jake moved to the opposite juncture on the other side of Dirk's neck, biting him again.

"JAKE! MORE! HAH! AH!"

The growing volume sending Jake's head spinning, he grabbed Dirk's erection, pumping him in time with his thrusts. "M-more Dirk. Tell me how much you love it."

"I LOVE IT! I WANT MORE! JAKE-JAKE! HARDER! FUCK ME HARDER!"

Jake complied fucking Dirk as hard as he could, the headboard smacking violently against the bedroom wall, the sound couldn't compare to the noise Dirk was now making.

"JAKE! JAKE! YES! FUCK ME! FUCK ME! FUCK ME! YOU- YOU'RE THE BEST! JAKE! MORE! AH! AH! AH!"

Their climaxes imminent, Jake breathed heavily in Dirk's ear "you've done very well Dirk. Who owns you?"

"JAAAAAAAKE!" The carnal cry of his name sent Jake into the bliss of orgasm with Dirk, woozy half tangible reality taking several moments to reacquaint itself with Jake's psyche.

Dirk was completely spent underneath him, eyes still glossy, a slight sheen of half-dried sweat covering him, drenched hair plastered on his face, and cum all over his stomach. The page reached for a towel, cleaning them both off before settling next to his lover.

Dirk blinked several times before he realized Jake was no longer above him. A tender hand was carding through his hair. He looked next to him to see a tired loving smile, "You were fantastic." He covered his face, still fucking red, only now with embarrassment.

"I said a bunch of stupid shit and was super loud, I'm never going to live it down." His voice now raspy, further evidence of his shame.

"You were bloody brilliant; everything anyone could ever want, all rolled into one amazing specimen."

"I lost all my cool points."

"Oh poppycock! How about this, every time someone teases you, I'll give fuck you or blow you or whatever you want. Make you feel better."

Dirk didn't want to admit it but it did, and aroused him. Rather than indulge the feeling a second time, he nestled in to Jake's embrace and the two fell into a peaceful loving slumber.

True to his word, Jake would treat Dirk twelve times over the next four days to whatever carnal indulgence the blonde could think up, Dirk decided it was worth the embarrassment.


	16. DaveJohn

_**Notes**_ _**Homestuck Sexcanon 7838: Dave was giving John a blow job once and he accidentally sneezed while he was still sucking him off. Semen came shooting out of his nose and John nearly had an asthma attack from laughing so hard.**_

"Oh god Dave, yeah, like that." A breathy soft moan escaped John's lips as Dave engulfed his length in the wet cavern of his mouth. The time player enjoyed the thickness of John filling his mouth as he bobbed his head, groaning at the taste of precum on his tongue.

John was still petting his hair when Dave decided to attempt taking all of him in. When he felt the breath player's abdomen against his nose, he knew he was successful. John seemed to relish the feeling as he pulled Dave's hair, eliciting another groan. When Dave started move again, John's hand became more of a presence, forcing him back down as pale hips shoved cock into Dave's throat.

The blonde moaned harder, he loved it when John became forceful, it didn't happen often, but it was always intense. He notices an unfortunate itch, threatening to derail this perfectly erotic moment and forced it away. He stopped just for a moment, but it was enough for John to become impatient and plunge the swollen phallus back into the deepest recesses of Dave's oral orifice. The itch persisted, he needed to pull up for a moment and sneeze.

John, in the throes of licentious excitement grabbed a fist full of golden locks, keeping the luscious sinful pleasure cavern in place. Dave tried to force his head back up, grabbing John's hands, the back of his tongue accidentally gracing John's slit. Sensual potion filled the knight's mouth as he sneezed, causing bitter taste in his mouth and burning in his nostrils. He coughed and gasped, both disgusted and slightly panicked from the difficulty regaining his breath. John came down from his high fairly quickly and noticed the fluid dripping from Dave's nose. He burst into a fit of laughter, Dave red faced, but breathing, frowned, a few coughs as he searched for tissues to clean himself up. John was still laughing his ass off.

Blow his nose, cough (intentionally), swig water, spit it out in the bathroom sink, another swig of water, actually drink it this time. His boner was long gone and he felt absolutely disgusting, maybe a shower would do him some good? John was still laughing hysterically, but his breath was sounding ragged and he was starting to cough. As irritated as Dave was that his boyfriend was laughing, he couldn't help but worry a little. He went to the dresser, pulling out one of John's stash of inhalers, just in case. "You're going to hurt yourself if you don't stop laughing dumbass." Part genuine malice and anger, part anxious concern.

John thankfully calmed down moments later. "Sorry Dave."

"Yeah, yeah." Dave sat with his back toward John, discreetly trying to hide the inhaler.

John saw it though and hugged him, "Aw, even when I'm being a complete asshat and made you sneeze my cum out your nose, you still worry," nuzzling Dave's neck.

"Yeah, well, wouldn't be cool if you died because I was too busy being pissed off would it?"

Dave always cares far more than he lets on. "Come on, I'll make it up to you in the shower."


	17. DaveJake

_**Notes:**_ _**Homestuck Sexcanon 8116: The Strider not only love eating ass, but they're damn good at it too. Jake and John consider themselves very lucky to be Strider favorites.**_

 _ **Alright, unfortunately anyone who doesn't follow my NSFW tumblr blog is out of the loop. Sorry I've been gone all week. I had a crazy amount of schoolwork (3 papers, a quiz, an exam, 20 hours of video to watch, and 500 pages of reading), plus internet issues, and had to reset my computer back to factory settings and re-download all my shit and to top it all off, a healthy dose of family drama and car trouble. Not my week.**_ _**Now though, I'm fucking back! Finally! So, my weekend still kind of sucks, but after Tuesday my quarter is clear sailing. I'll try to write at least one more drabble over the weekend (no promises) and the schedule will resume as planned on Monday. I'm unfortunately behind on my stories, but my creative flow feels stifled right now. I'm hoping these will help me get back into the flow of things.**_ _**One more note. Starting May 30th, these drabbles will be cut down to twice a week. This is because I will be doing non smutty drabbles on my other art blog (and a new story here). If you like my writing and you like fluffy homestuck stories please check it out!**_

Jake was calmly cleaning his guns after a satisfying session at the gun range. Finals week had been hell and something about printing up the paper that you have been slaving on for weeks and shooting it was incredibly cathartic. Dave had other ways of obtaining stress relief. One was through polishing his collection of dead things while sipping apple juice. Jake had made sure to pick up that special apple cider his boyfriend loved on his way home. The blonde had yet to make an appearance yet, his exams were exceptionally late this quarter. Boy guy had an 8pm final, who fucking does that?

The click of the door signaled the exhausted one's return. The sound of a heavy bag dropped on the floor, an exceptionally loud sigh just before a plop of body hitting couch. The poor thing needed a pick me up. Jake grabbed his fruity gift and joined his paramour.

"How'd it go?"

"No talky, no thinky, just sleepy."

Jake smiled, "I thought you might be feeling that way, here." The brunette handed him the rare delight.

Dave, probably too tired to think of appearances quickly claimed the drink, the sugar helping perk him up. "Thanks." Dave carefully capped the drink before turning to Jake, latching onto his next.

"I thought you wanted to sleep?" His voice deep and sultry, fingers already running through blonde hair, silently begging him to continue.

"After hell week I need so stress relief."

Jake's dick, hard already from the first sensual contact they've had in the past two weeks, twitched at Dave's words. Yes, Dave had one other way he liked to relieve his stress.

Jake moaned for the fiftieth time that evening, face down in the pillows on his bed, ass in the air. "Fuck Dave." Dave's face buried in his ass, abusing the brunettes whole as Jake tried his best not to squirm and failed miserably. Dave had teased him while he was cleaning himself out, Dave had only been eating him for a short time and Jake already felt like he might explode.

Dave took the noise to signal that he should change his technique, sucking the opening instead. "Of GOLLY!" Dave licked his taint inching his way to the back of Jake's balls, giving a teasing lick before return to the plush rump, spreading the cheeks wide. Before diving in, Dave said "Don't you dare hold back noise, Jake. I need this."

"Never, never Dave."

Dave licked as far into Jake's depths as he could, kissing his ass the way he would kiss Jake's mouth. The hot wriggling appendage making Jake writhe with pleasure. "Fuck, yes Dave. More. I-I AH! Holey Toledo"

A sharp smack to his right cheek. Dave hated his old timey speak during sex, trying to train him out of it. Little did Dave know, Jake enjoyed the occasional slap, especially during times like this.

"Hello Nurse!"

Another slap, again and again Jake would say these words to earn that delicious burn on his ass. The heat on his cheeks, burning even more when he Dave gripped them combined with the erotic delight of the heat of Dave's tongue in him. The blonde was now gyrating against Jake as he ate him out. Jake was so close, his hand grasping himself between his legs, three pumps was all it took for him to finish.

Dave groaned loudly against his hole as Jake rode through his orgasm, the blonde not far behind. The two relaxing side by side once they were both done. Jake brought Dave into a cuddle, kiss forehead. "That was great. Feel better."

"Yeah." Dave leaned forward to kiss his green-eyed boyfriend. Jake tried his best not to think about where Dave's mouth had just been as they kissed and fell into a well-deserved slumber.


	18. RoseKanaya

_**Notes:**_ _**Homestuck Sexcanon 6088: Because trolls have no nipples due to their way of reproduction, Kanaya was fascinated when she first saw Rose's. Rose allowed her to inspect them and was soon moaning and begging for sex.**_

 _ **Okay, this is my first time ever writing Rosemary, so please forgive me if it isn't very good.**_

The two were shirtless for the first time after a heated make-out session. Rose noted Kanaya's distinct lack of nipples while Kanaya observed the opposite. "What are those raised bits of flesh?"  
"They're nipples, human females have them to nurse their young from birth until they can handle solid food. Males have due to the human race having a default of female sex, the nipples are formed the genetic code for males kicks in."  
"So they provide nutrition of some sort?"  
"Yes, mine don't though, as I have never been pregnant."  
"Pregnant?"  
"A gestational carrier."  
"Ah, I see. …May I touch them? I am quite curious."  
"Go ahead."  
Kanaya took the raised bud between her fingers, a small gasp escaped Rose. Kanaya looked up at her, "Am I hurting you?"  
Rose shook her head, "No-no."  
Kanaya nodded, focusing once again on the bodily difference. She pinched and prodded and flicked the nipple before moving onto the other, Rose trying very hard to keep her noise in and allow Kanaya her time to inspect.  
When Kanaya finally finished she looked up to see Rose biting her lip, red faced and ridged. "Are these bits of flesh considered an erogenous zone of your species?" A light green blush coating her cheeks.  
Rose nodded and the green bloomed further across the troll's face. "Alright then, may I try something?"  
"Yes, you may."  
Kanaya leaned down, opening her mouth and allowing her long dexterous tongue flick the bud. The action immediately earned a moan from Rose. Kanaya continued her ministrations, using her tongue to press, twirl around, flick, and lick the pleasure button.  
Rose was beyond keeping quiet and when Kanaya moved to her other nipple her moans only got louder, the arousal pooling in her gut. When Kanaya finally brought her hand to abuse the nipple that wasn't receiving the tongue treatment she became even louder. And when Kanaya sucked and grazed the nipple with her sharp teeth, Rose was begging.  
"Please Kan. Oh my god, fuck me, please."  
Kanaya removed herself from her paramour, taking off her skirt as Rose did the same. She was prepared move things along when Rose stopped her. Curiosity always trumped libido for these two, and sometimes it just combined.  
"What's that?" Asked Rose, pointed to the writing appendage below Kanaya's waist, oozing transparent green fluid.  
"That is my bulge."  
"Do all trolls have that?  
"Yes."  
Rose's face grew ten times redder, she always knew she had a tentacle fetish. "Can I touch it?"


	19. JohnDave5

_**Notes:**_ _**Homestuck Sexcanon 1762: When Dave first told John, "Everythings bigger in Texas." John replied with, "Explains you ego." After dating for a few months, they were about to have their first time and Dave said it again, exposing his nine-inch and pushing it into John.**_

 _ **For anon from Tumblr.**_ _**So it's the night before a team presentation I have to give tomorrow. I got my shit done at like 5pm yesterday. It's 9:30 and now all of my teammates are finally getting their shit done. This is why I hate team projects. I don't want to work right now, I want to write gay porn.**_

John was at a bar for the first time in weeks and the insufferable prick sitting next to him almost made him want to leave.

"Beers are bigger in Texas too." On and on all night with this 'bigger in Texas' bullshit. No one cares if things are bigger in Washington state, they care about fair trade and organically grown, asshole. John couldn't help but glare at the blonde from the corner of his eye, unfortunately, the blonde caught his gaze. Pushing down his ridiculous shades, revealing red eyes, the male looked right at John and said "Everything is bigger in Texas," and winked.

John was not impressed to say the least. "Explains your ego." The bartender, who had had enough of the Texan himself, laughed at the brunette's response. The crimson eyes boy merely gaped, apparently no one had ever declined him before. John smirked in triumph.

So, the blonde's name is Dave. He is also in John's bedroom right now, they'd been dating for three months, don't ask. He could be quite charming when you get to know him. Really, he's just a dork who didn't know how to flirt, but damn does he know how to work John up.

Dave had John pinned to the bed, tongue forced into the brunette's mouth, exploring every inch. Occasionally, just to keep John entertained he would rock their hips together, earning a weak, submissive moan from his victim. "God you sound gorgeous." Quick words before John's breath was robbed from him once more. Soon the blue-eyed male could feel his wrists gathered into one of Dave's hands, keeping them above his head, while the other hand grazed the skin down his body, and the blonde's mouth made camp at his neck. Nips, licking, and sucking, coupled with the teasing touch of fingertips soon had John writhing.

"C'mon Dave."

"Ah-ah, Not until you say what I want. I swear I'm going to make you say it Egbert."

The unoccupied hand pushed up his shirt, revealing his nipples. Dave smiled against John's collarbone as he began to roll one of the buds in his hands. John only wriggled more, an exasperated sigh escaping him, "Dave."

"You know what I want, John." Dave started abusing the other nipple with his tongue as John's breath started to leave him in pants. The Texan rocked his hips a few times against John, earning a few deliciously surprised cries.

"AH! MMM!"

"C'mon, John. I know you want it." A husky whisper in his ear. John only bit his lip. "Have it your way then." Dave began rocking his hips faster, biting and pinching his paramour's nipples, all while keeping John's hands above his head.

"Dave, c'mon…fuck." Breathless and unbelievably aroused.

"Say it."  
"I want your huge Texan dick in me." John would have rolled his eyes saying that if he wasn't so desperate.

Dave smirked, releasing John and sitting back to unzip his jeans. He loved the look of John's face when he took his nine-inch dick out, the eyes widening the mouth falling open just a little, and that adorable bright red blush that made him want to fuck John's brains.

He quickly slicked himself up, taking his time to work John open. By the time he decided John was ready, the brunette was a beautiful drooling mess. He positioned himself at John's entrance, the lover moaning underneath him, "I told you John, everything's bigger in Texas."


	20. Davekat

_**Notes**_ _**Homestuck Sexcanon 1802: Dave gets off on having sex in public.**_

Dave and Karkat were having a nice picnic in the park, a ways away from the hustle and bustle of the main area, no Frisbees or dogs over here. The food was finished the two were pleasantly satisfied as Karkat laid his head on Dave's shoulder, the two lying down on the blanket, cuddling. A blanket kept them warm from the brisk March weather. The troll allowed his eyes to close as he felt blunt human fingers massage his scalp.

"mmm"

"You like that kitkat?"

"Dave don't call me that in public."

"There's no one around." Dave kissed the top of his boyfriend's head.

"So? People this is a park, people walk through here all the time and I don't like acting like a fucking love struck wriggler."

"Maybe we can do something a little noisier then. I promise to only say your actual name." The blonde's voice dips lower, sending shivers down Karkat's spine. "And as loud as you want."

Karkat wasn't given anytime to respond as Dave was soon on top of him, grinding their hips together and begging in a delectable whine in Karkat's ear. "Come on Karkat, you can't keep that magic hentai wand from me. It's perfect here."

Karkat could help but react favorably to all of Dave's ministrations and erotic noises. "Fine, but I'm riding you. And no more hanging out with Jake, you're getting his weird way with words."

Dave wagged his eyebrows, "Worked didn't it?"

The smell of fresh air and the cool breeze hitting hot skin and the distant noise of the populace made Dave all the more eager to continue. It was like the sexist game of hide and seek in the world. Could they get off before anyone found them?

Karkat wasted no time getting his pants off, nook wetter than he'd like to admit. His bulge probing Dave's entrance as he slowly started to lower himself on to Dave's exposed shaft.

Soon they create a rhythm, Karkat is moaning loudly and Dave really thinks someone might catch them. The mere thought drives a strangled moan out of his own throat. Rustling can be heard and he feels hyper aware, the blanket was tossed aside at one point. They are completely exposed, Karkat's moaning is getting louder, his nook clenching hard on Dave's dick, and his wriggling bulge touching every wonderful place in his ass. He's so close, they are so clos-

"I think it's coming from over here!" People are look for the noise. Too much, Dave came inside Karkat facilitating Karkat's own release. Fluid was now leaking out of Dave's ass and all over his pelvis, but he was too blissed out to care.

It only took a few seconds for them to come down from their respective highs, Karkat a bit more rudely than Dave. A bright orange Frisbee hit Karkat square in the forehead. A note attached to it.

 _Not here to kink-shame, but half the park could hear you two. You're scaring children with all that noise. Next time just fuck in the bathroom or walk around the mall with an anal plug up your ass or something. Like a normal exhibitionist._

 _Keep it kinky, try not to get arrested,_

 _Dirk_


	21. JohnDave6

_**Notes**_ _**Homestuck Sexcanon #2759: John's a little pudgy, but Dave doesn't care. He thinks it just adds to John's attractiveness.**_

Your name is Dave Strider and you are stupidly, hopelessly, and completely infatuated with your boyfriend, John Egbert. The perfectly black hair gracing his pale face, framing his stunning blue eyes. The roundness of his face and the overall shape of his body makes your insides flutter. You could watch him all day. You wouldn't change a thing about him, well not physically. There is one thing you'd like to change, his self-esteem. You watch, your heart slowly breaking as you two walk in the mall, passing by that same store for the thirtieth time. You can see John stare longingly at those particular pair of cargo shorts he's been eyeing for the past two weeks. You don't know what it is about those specific cargo shorts that he's so in love with, but he can never bring himself to go in and try a pair on. The store notoriously runs small in clothing and poor John is so self-conscious.

"You gonna go in today?"

"Nah, I don't really like them anymore, what's the point." Liar, he's practically drooling.

You two arrive home and snuggle up on the couch, he's shifting uncomfortably like he always does after a trip to the mall. You bury you face in his neck and let your hands go under his shirt. He grabs your elbow and the dance begins.

"You're just going to feel my fat rolls."

"Dude, your curled up as far as you can go, everyone as fat rolls when they position themselves like that."

"Dave, c'mon, you know I'm fat and ugly. I know I'm fat and ugly. Let's just stop." Roughly the same spiel you get every time.

"You're not fat, you're plush and hot as hell."

"Plush is just your way of saying I'm fat."

"No, plush is my way of say I love your squishy body. It's nice to touch and nice to look at. Especially that ass, do you know how many people would kill to have that ass." You said as you grabbed a handful of John's rump for good measure. You could see John's face heat up, good you were breaking down that wall of self-deprecation quicker today. You suck that part of his neck that he likes and hear him giggle and his skin heat up more. You groan as you touch his stomach again and whisper in his ear, "You are hot as fuck Egbert." Pressing your growing erection into his hip to show that it's not only words, you have solid proof of his hotness in your pants.

You let hand wander further down his body, grasping a hold of his thick cock and make an exaggerated moan in his ear, "The only thing 'fat' about you, is your dick."

John's breathing heavy now and you mentally pat yourself on the back, maybe you can coax that shirt off him this time. You pump his erection, kissing his neck and keep whispering little praises in his ear, "So fucking hot. You're so nice to look at John, I'm so lucky to have you. You're perfect."

John is moaning and you suck his adam's apple to coax more delectable noises from him. At some point he tries to say something, but you are a bit preoccupied by him writhing against your touch. He comes on your hand and you make a show of licking it off, let him know that you find everything about him irresistible. John watches and whimpers, overstimulated.

Now time to take care of yourself, it won't take much. As you get close, John bats your hand out of the way, taking your erection in his own hand, saying "I love you," as you reach climax.

The reset of the evening is spent cuddling. After a few days of praises and encouragement, John finally tries on those cargo shorts. They're too small, but you buy them anyway, against John's protests. You secretly take them to your sister and her girlfriend, they can work magic letting clothes out, and surprise John a week later with shorts that fit. You think you could die from how happy he looks.


	22. DirkJake 8

_**Notes:**_

 _ **Homestuck Sexcanon 5050:Heroes of Heart are usually very gentle in bed, but if you ask them, they will be extremely rough with you.**_

 _ **Not sure this counts as extremely rough, but I think it's rough enough for the prompt.**_

The two were making out in the doorway, romance getting ahead of them for their weekend together. Dirk carefully guided Jake through the door and closed it, before pressing the adventurer up against it. Gentle hands rested on lean hips as tender kisses decorated the supple neck. A soft sucking on the divot just above the collarbone. Not harsh, no, never harsh, only oozing care and intent of the night to come. A night guaranteed to be one of a languid carnal play and soft blissful pleasure, of gradual build up and blurred lines leaving them both sated, and fully recovered after a night's sleep.

Jake loved his boyfriend and the great consideration he took when making love, but he was a jungle boy at heart, sometimes he wanted to be manhandled. He wanted to be thrown on the bed, pinned and writhing, skin burning and fucked so hard he couldn't walk the next day, but he didn't know how to ask. Dirk light touches just weren't doing the trick for him today. Unfortunately for him, Dirk was an exceptional observer.

"You're not into it tonight?" He noted the distinct lack of action in Jake's pants.

"It's not that. I want to I really do, I just…" He bit his lip, unsure how to voice his request, a blush rising to his cheeks.

"What? What is it?" Dirk cradled his lover's face, concern and old fears resurfacing with Jake's continued silence. "Was it bad last time? I thought I- I mean it seemed like you-"

"No, Dirk, no. Last time was great, bang up job. I just um." Jake lowered his head onto Dirk's shoulder. "I'm a- I have….un-gentlemanly predilections and wish to engage in them. But, I'd feel like a straight boorish cur demanding such infernal preferences on our intercourse."

"Tell me what you like Jake. Tell me what you want." Not demanding, not even a little, only imploring and pleading.

Jake was bright red, looking away, unable to face the love of his life.

"Please." Dirk looked more upset about this than Jake was, a notion that forced Jake's hand and opened his mouth.

"You are wonderfully gentle, truly a tip-top lover that any dandy would be lucky to experience. I just, I'm not some swooning sweetheart. I can handle a good level of roughhousing in primal intimacy."

"You mean you want it rough?"

Jake buried his face in Dirk's neck and whispered, "Yes."

Dirk kindly peeled Jake off the wall, held him close and kissed his head; feeling Jake relax against him, like he had resigned himself to slow sweet sex for the night. Dirk grabbed him and heaved him against the door again, a leg forced between his thighs, arms pinned by his head as a demanding tongue worked its way into his mouth. The kiss was so forceful all Jake could do was leave his mouth open and let Dirk do as he please, while his head was left swimming over the change in attitudes. He was kissed breathless, lungs burning for air and needy noises leaving his mouth. Dirk pulled away and looked at him. "Let me know if I go too far." Jake nodded in response, breath coming in buckets as he felt pleasantly light-headed.

Dirk smothered him against the door, his wrists soon clasped into one of the prince's big hands, while the other hand was forcing his pants off his hips. "Kick off your shoes," growled his lover as Jake clumsily obeyed, trembling with excitement and arousal. The pants were soon off him, underwear still on, but Dirk's next move was to rid him of the annoying shirt that kept his chest covered. The blonde physically ripped the shirt of Jake's body. The motion and slight sting of the cloth violently taken from his form, made his senses light up and his vision cloud for a moment. Dirk was still on him, kissing his shoulder and returning to the base of Jake's neck. Teeth barred against the vulnerable body part only encouraged Jake to give him more room, desperate hands clinging to his strong boyfriend's form. Dirk bit him, making his ears ring and his legs go weak, a scream of pleasure escaping him. Dirk braced him and whispered in his ear, "Legs around me." Jake did as he was told.

Dirk carried him to their room, tossing him on the bed and wrenching his boxers off him. He was drooling, erection painfully pulsing against his abdomen. Dirk quickly undressed and grabbed the lube. Forcing a finger into Jake's entrance, earning a groan from a blissed out Jake. Dirk didn't prep him to the same extent he normally did, instead opting for a quick lubing and a hard fucking. The burn of the stretch soon coupled with the pleasant feeling of Dirk's dick hitting his prostate and everything melded into a hot mixture of overwhelmed senses and a vague mind. Orgasm hit him a lot harder than usual and the afterglow left him feeling wonderfully exhausted and completely sated.

Dirk was laying next to him a calm, tender hand petting his sweat-soaked hair. "Hey there space cadet."

"Hey," his voice sore and raspy.

"Was it good?"

Jake laughed, "Boy shitting howdy."

"So, yes?"

"That was amazing.


	23. JohnDave7

_**Notes:**_ _**Homestuck Sexcanon # 8542: One time, Dad Egbert came home from work and walked into John giving Dave a lap dance.**_

 _ **Bonus because I wasn't in any condition to draw last night.**_ _**Okay, while writing this I realized I know very little about lap dances. I hope you guys like it anyway.**_

"We really need to get an apartment." Said Dave as he sat on a chair in the Egbert living room. Both boys were on a summer break from college and had the fortunate opportunity of a day when they both were off work and John's dad was out of the house.

"How about we graduate first?" John stood in front of Dave's chair, a crop top gracing his lithe form, booty shorts framing his ass perfectly and thigh-high stocking with stiletto heels for the right about of kink. Music was on, some song Dave couldn't remember the name to.

John began his dance with a sway of the hips and some choice gyrations meant to entice. Dave sat back and resisted the urge to reach out and claim John right there. John continued to dance, turning his back to Dave, bending as far forward as he could, shaking his ass the entire time.

Dave was already sporting a pretty decent hard-on, but John wasn't done. The brunette kneeled in front of Dave, placing his hands on the blondes knees and forcing his legs open. Snaking his way from between the and off the floor, until his body was barely hovering above Dave's about to kiss him. It was all a giant tease though, as he turned around, lying against Dave, hands reaching up, fingers threading through soft blonde hair. John arched his back and scooted his ass back against Dave's erection, grinding against it as he heard a breathless "Fuck John."

John hummed against him, "Well Mr. Strider, to take care of that is going to cost you extra."

Dave seized that moment to hold John close, hands trailing down John's form touch the bare skin. "Take off the top," he ordered.

John placed his hands on the arms of the chair, and as he stood up, grazed his ass against Dave's boner once more. "Yes sir." He undulated back to his imaginary stage, making a great show of removing the crop top and throwing it on to Dave's face. As the blonde removed it, John took the opportunity to acquire those insufferable shades and put them on himself.

"Hey, give them back."

"No, Mr. Strider. If you want to take anything off my body, you'll have to pay extra," giving a cheeky wink as he pulled down the sunglasses; quickly replacing them to their proper position on his face. John placed his own hands on his form, playing with his nipples and another wandering down to his own hard-on, palming himself a little as Dave watched.

He draped himself across Dave's lap, taking the blonde's hand, directing it where to touch, giving an exaggerated moan and reveling the twitch he felt against his back. While keeping Dave's hand occupied, he allowed his own to creep up the blonde's shirt, feeling the muscles tense and relax with each movement.

John moved himself into straddling position a hair's breadth away from Dave's mouth, "So, Mr. Strider, would you like to continue this upstairs, in bed?"

During their entire activity, they did not hear Dadbert's car pull in or the key unlocking the door. It wasn't until light flooded the slightly darkened living room that the two noticed that John's dad was home. And his father was faced with the sight of a half-naked John straddling his boyfriend in his father's favorite chair, wearing thigh-highs and shoes that his father didn't know he owned.

"Uh….hi dad."


	24. JakeRoxy

_**Notes:**_ _**Homestuck Sexcanon #6377: Jake makes Roxy moan loudest, no matter what he does.**_

 _ **I hope you like it, I'm not sure I did the prompt right.**_

Roxy was eyeing that fine piece of English ass from across the living room. She had hidden his favorite pistols in the bottom drawer of the cabinet and was relishing watching him as he bent over further and further in pursuit of his favorite weapon. She had lucked out that night, the shortest fucking pair of booty shorts he owned, his ass cheeks were falling out.

"Damn Jake."

"What?"

"You trying to seduce me with view?" She giggled. Jake huffed in annoyance.

"No my darling amorous dame, I'm looking for me fav-"He turned around to find his girlfriend naked on his couch, smiling that devious little smile of hers. "I-I do believe this is a nefarious plot of yours to keep me from the great call of my plundering and adventures."

"Well, you could plunder me. That could be an adventure." Somehow she managed to straight face saying that, and let her hands wander her slender body. Jake appeared to have lost his train of thought, wandering over to her in a trance. He stared down at her as she posed seductively on their couch.

"Perhaps I could, postpone my engagements." He let his fingertips graze her bare skin and she arched at his touch, a soft moan escaped her and Jake was done. He hoisted her into his arms, making his way to the bedroom, desperately trying to disrobe himself on the way. He managed to careen into the wall several times, twice bumping Roxy's head, she groaned at his excitement.

"C'mon Jakey, don't you want me?" She said in an exaggerated sweet voice. Jake stumbled faster until he half threw himself and her onto the bed.

Jake soon completely disrobed and kissed Roxy hard. As he pulled away he said, "Now is the time for magic sexual escapades with my tallywhacker in your cavern of delights."

Roxy giggled, "Oh my gawd Ja-hake." He sucked her nipple into his mouth, listening to her moan. He kissed his way up to her ear nibbling earlobe whispering to his fiendish princess, "A gentleman must know how to please his lady." His hand was between her legs, rubbing her clit, she moaned his name loudly. "You really have a wonderful voice darling."

He withdrew his hand and climbed further up the bed and over Roxy, searching for a condom. They should really put those in a specific place, not leave them strewn around. Little did he realize that he was smacking Roxy in the face with his erect cock, as she was still on the edge of the bed, her feet touching the ground. She moaned at the feeling and the taste of his precum touching her lips. "Found you, you elusive gizmo of reproductive contraception!" He shimmied his way back down and saw what he had done, he blushed a little and licked his fluid off her face, feeding it to her in a sloppy kiss.

"Jake." She moaned as he pulled away yet again, fighting with the condom wrapper.

"Soon my dear, as soon as I can get this nefarious wrapper off my dick glove, we will have wonderful sexy times." He continued to fight with the wrapper for quite some time, Roxy took the liberty of sucking his testicles until he was ready, moaning the entire time.

 _ **Notes:**_ _**So, I kept fighting between sexy Jake and goofy Jake, as you can see, I leaned towards the latter. I love right goofy Jake though.**_


	25. RoseKanaya2

_**Notes:**_ _**Homestuck Sexcanon 7451: Rose is a hopeless romantic and loves having sex with Kanaya in a bed surrounded by candles.**_

Rose had gathered all her favorite candles in her room, lighting each one methodically, and arranging them in the most aesthetically pleasing way possible. She then considered Kanaya's love making style and removed the candles closest to the bed for fear of the blanket's catching on fire mid-coitus. She arranged rose petals on the bed (Kanaya better not make a pun) and prepared strawberries and whip cream for the two. She quickly changed into Kanaya's favorite green negligee and awaited her matesprit, posed seductively on the bed.

Kanaya arrived sometime later, the sight of Rose on the bed making her blush green. "My, what's the occasion?"

"A human holiday, Valentine's Day."

"And what are the parameters of this 'Valentine's Day?"

"Matesprits do romantic things for each other, often leading to erotic situations."

"I suppose I could try." Said Kanaya with a smirk.

"Your outfit is over there." Rose pointed to the purple lace bra and panty set. Kanaya grew a darker shade of green and proceeded to a separate room to change, after all, she wanted to make an entrance. She strutted into the room, catching Rose sneaking some of the whip cream, sucking it off her finger.

"You look great."

"Thank you, you have good taste in amorous attire."

Rose smiled, kissing her matesprit. Kanaya smiled and was lead back to their bed where the food awaited them. Rose traces a whip cream dipped strawberry around Kanaya's mouth before allowing her a bite. As the troll chewed, Rose licked the spare cream off, soon leading to strawberry flavored kisses and the plate of food knocked onto the floor. Kanaya was on top of Rose, kissing her down her neck and between her breasts. Rose moaned her name.

"As the human and the one to arrange this wonderful ambiance, I feel you should choose how we engage in the activity."  
"I want to ride you."

"You wish is my command darling." They repositioned until Rose was on top. She admired the purple lace on grey skin, the soft glow of the candles providing flattering lighting, and the rose petals bringing out the warmth of the grey skin.

"Your gorgeous." She said in a hushed tone. Kanaya coaxed her down until they were kissing again. Everything was unrushed, the disrobing, the foreplay. Rose gently stroked Kanaya's bulge and played with the lips of her nook, the jade blood mewling at her ministrations.

Kanaya returned the favor, softly kissing Rose's neck and nipping at her skin, as the troll's bulge played with Rose's entrance.

"Please Kanaya." Rose whined, writhing at the stimulation.

"As you wish." The bulge slithered into Rose's intimate cavern and both girls groaned at the sensation. Kanaya held her human close as the appendage thrashed inside her lover, Rose moaning her name over and over. It didn't take long for Rose to climax, Kanaya not far behind.

As the two lay in post orgasmic bliss, the soft illumination around them gave a lovely dreamlike feeling. Like they were in the land of magic and peace, all was perfect and romantic, and easy. This was the moment that made Rose thankful for her preparation, nothing beat the picturesque moment of lying her with one and only love.


	26. Davekat2

_**Summary:**_ _**Homestuck Sexcanon #959: Even though he tries to control it, Dave is extremely vocal in bed.**_

Karkat pulled his blond hair as sharp teeth dug into his shoulder. Dave did his best stifle a loud whine, but enough sound escaped to reassure his matesprit of his enjoyment. Karkat shoved him face down into the bed, raking sharp nails over his back, he moaned in to the pillow, cutting himself off mid-way as he remembered his need for stoicism. Karkat was displeased and bit his ass, making Dave cry out in sweet agony. "Stop holding the noises in Dave, you're going to crumble anyway."

Dave to the statement as more of a challenge than as a fact. Biting his lip as Karkat softly prodded his entrance with the troll's bulge. The tapered tip of the tentacle dick pleasant slathering his hole with genetic fluid, which left an arousing tingling sensation. A soft grunt escaped him and Karkat was tipped off to Dave's reluctance in the noise making department, time for his special technique. He pressed the based if his bulge flush against Dave's hole, allow the rest of it to slithered down and curl around his lover. The tentacle was soon gracing Dave's taint, massaging his balls and smearing a little genetic fluid on the base of Dave's dick. The blonde lost his self-control. "Oh god, Karkat. KARKAT!"

"You like that Dave." He pressed himself as hard as he could against his human lover, rocking his hips and a smooth undulating motion.

"Ah! AH! YES!"

"You're not very convincing Dave."

"OH GOD! HAH!" The troll's genetic fluid coated his testicles, every part of his body trembled as he felt his excitement grew. "PLEASE KARKAT!"

The troll violently flipped him over, tenta-bulge slithering its way inside Dave, making him mewl. Karkat shrouded the human with his body, kissing Dave sweetly as his bulge flailed inside the human. Dave writhed, mouth hanging open as he forgot how to kiss back, broken moans and half formed words filling the room. Karkat groaned into Dave's shoulder as the human continued his symphony of erotic cries.

"MORE! AH! AH! NGGHHHAAAAAH! KARKAT! KARKAT! I-I-FUCK! HARDER!" It doesn't take long for them to come together. As they come down from their orgasmic highs, Dave buries his face in Karkat's chest.

"What's the matter?"

"I'm a weak-willed loud whore."

"It's sex, that's a good thing."

"Not very manly."

"Okay, explain this arbitrary human masculinity thing to me again. Why is sounding so good in bed a bad thing?"

"… It's just,…I don't know."

"I like the way you sound."

"…"

"Stop it, I can hear you thinking." Karkat kissed Dave's cheek, soon smothering him with affection. The blonde started giggling and Karkat smiled. "I love you, Dave. I love you know matter what fucked up human bullshit goes on in that brain of yours."

Dave smiled, an inner demon broken and partially stripped of its power, with time it will be vanquished completely. The two held hands and drift into the quiet realm of unreality.


	27. DirkJohn

Notes: Homestuck Sexcanon #9030: Due to a recent experience, John has taken a liking to being slammed up against doors during sex.

I've been really looking forward to writing this one, I was thinking rough sex, I actually considered several different scenarios….for some reason it ended up with sadstuck. No one dies specifically in the fic, but I can't say this is a happy story. Takes place during the game over timeline, only John never talked to Terezi and Roxy didn't survive.

Dirk was walking around the apartment, all of his friends were dead, the earth was still an utter wasteland and his life seemed so bleak part of him wondered why he hadn't killed himself yet. The air around his house was still toxic, they really should live in one of the other houses available…his air left him as the horrible memory of his dead friends flooded back into view, tears pricked his eyes as he forced the emotion back.

John was asleep on the couch, a cake on the table in front of him. Why would John alchemize a cake? If there was one thing Dirk knew about John, it was that the boy hated cake. As he approached the sleeping figure he saw piped icing on the treat that said "Happy Birthday Dirk." Water flooded his vision, his first birthday cake, in a post-apocalyptic wasteland with the only other human being. Everything seemed tragic to him, he sniffled. John awoke at the sound, shushes and gentle hands removed Dirk's shades and wiped his tears. "I know it's hard," a whispered reassurance of their mutual suffering. John had steadily become more affectionate with Dirk over the past several months, they were all each other had.

Dirk kissed him, to prove this was real and not some nightmare; and immediately stopped when he realized who he was kissing. John wasn't into guys, he made that very clear. "Sorry, I just-"

"No, I get it." John kissed him, a mild shock melted into mutual desperation. A desperation to escape their situation for a little while. Nothing had to exist but them and this couch, not right now. "Let's move to your bed."

"Why?" Why should they return to their awful reality for even a moment when they could feel good?

"There's a spring digging into my back." Sure enough one of the springs from the ancient couch had broken away from its home. Dirk was kissing John again, grabbing his legs, silently instructing him. John complied, wrapping his legs around Dirk's waste as the blonde carried him to the bedroom. As they approached the room, Dirk pushed his back against the door to find it locked, he liked his privacy and now it was biting him in the ass. He fished his key out, kissing John all the while as the brunette was clawing his shoulder. He tried to unlock the door, but John had decided to suck on his neck and play with his nipples through his shirt, and it was very distracting. He hoisted himself off the door and slammed John into the door, he was about to say "Just give me a minute," but was cut off by a long sultry moan. The two met each others eyes, a blush covered John and Dirk was soon on his neck rutting against him, pushing him harder into the door.

"You like that Egbert?" Dirk slammed him into the door again, eliciting a louder moan. Dirk sucked hard on the base of John's neck, making the smaller male squirm, resulting in another slam against the door and another moan.

"Dirk, fuck."

"Mmmm John."

The heir's hands were tangled in his hair and hot breath was felt against his chin. They kissed again, fevered, hungry, and with a shared need to fill the hole of loneliness and abandonment in their hearts. John's legs were soon back on the ground as the two fumbled to get their pants off. Dirk realized he still had his keys in his hand and finally unlocked the door, grabbing the lube as John joined him on his bed.

Dirk was above John, hand coated in lube, asking permission. He grabbed the blonde's wrist and the gooey hand on his erection. Dirk pumped him as soft grunts and mewls filled the room. Dirk was actually surprised with how quiet John was. "Fuck Dirk, should- should I…?"

"No," Dirk placed his dick flush against John's and pumped them together. Both boys thrusting against each other, looking for that sliver of bliss in their own personal hell. Grace blessed them with climax and they laid together, allowed a reprieve from their reality and from their thoughts and desolation.

When the divine fuzziness receded from them and they were left with messed up sheets, sweaty bodies, and each other, an awkward hush fell over them. Dirk was the first to act, taking John's hand in his. "Hey, that didn't have to mean anything if you don't want it to. I mean, it…just…you know."

"…" Rather than saying anything, John curled against Dirk, clutching him as if the blonde would melt away if he didn't.

"John?"

"I want it to mean something."

Dirk held the brunette close. "Me too."

"Does this make me gay now?"

"Do orientations even exist at the end of the universe?"

"Good point." The two held each other tightly, soft caresses and affectionate kisses.

"So, you like being man-handled?" John blushed a deep red.

"I guess I do."

"I'll have to remember that for next time." John half-heartedly punched him.

"No, I need to learn your weaknesses."

"You act like sex is a video game boss battle."

"No, I just don't want to be the only one getting off."

"Uh, John? Look at our shirts." The heir gazed at their clothing, semen stains very clear. "Trust me, I got off." Dirk pulled him into another kiss, completely different from before. Rather than a desperate need to escape, the kiss was a contract, a question with its own answer. _Will you stay with me after the end of everything? Always._


	28. DirkJake9

Notes: Homestuck Sexcanon #3197: Jake English is a total bottom. He likes it when Dirk spanks him, and Dirk's obsession with his plush rump turns him on more than anything in the world. Also, he enjoys doggy style, and riding Dirk's cock as if tomorrow is never coming. Dirk has nothing to complain about.

"Oh god, Dirk." You sigh, the breach always feels so good. He has you bent over the bed, massaging your hips as he slides into you, whispering little curses of his own.

"Fuck Jake, you're so tight. Fuck." Once he's fully sheathed inside he leans forward, sucking at the hallow behind your ear and you moan. "You're going to be my noisy little bitch tonight, right? Going to make all those nice noises for me?" He slaps your ass and you let out another loud, wordless moan. He's needy tonight, in his own way, you love it when he's like this. "I'm going to fuck this tight little ass of yours…make you beg me to let you come…and you're going to love it." He's grabbing the base of your cock, using the sensation and the dirty talk to relax you so he can fuck you properly, betraying himself with a soft caress of your arm and a kiss at one your shoulder.

"Yes, master." His breath hitches at that, just like it always does. He spanks you and you groan "master" once more and he hits you again, the fleshy burn making you quiver. He kisses down your spine, massaging the area. He's always so careful in the beginning, maybe because you always melt under him. He must have deemed you ready because he's slowly moving in you and you have to remind yourself to relax, it's been a while, you're not as stretched you were last time. Warm hands are rubbing your sides, the moving inside you continues like a slow dance, refreshing you of the steps before the main event. It also has the effect of lulling you into a pliant repose, your mind fuzzing at the edges, just as he likes, so he can have you however he wants.

"Jake?" His voice is tight with restraint and a little gravelly with lust, the tone one of concern, he doesn't like it when you get quiet.

"Nnnn?" Mind doesn't want to form words, eyes don't want to open, that is until three sharp slaps come down on your rump hard. The stinging sending adrenaline through your body, nerves lighting up and mixing with that relaxed pleasure; mind caught between blissful serenity and the excitement of the pain. "Dirraaahh" a staccato croak as your voice couldn't decide what to do.

"Excuse me." Breathless and rough and dark, the sound of his consumed you, flooding in through your ears and seeping into every vein and every bone.

Another smack and your shout "Master!" He's fucking you hard now, each thrust moves you, and you swear moves the bed as well. He's so powerful and he's in you and your babbling and not making sense but it doesn't matter because he's fucking you so nicely. "Ah! More! Please, I-I-I hit me again! I-please!"

And he hits you repeatedly, over and over, his hand long gone from your dick, the abuse to your rear end making you leak. He's still hitting you, alternating cheeks and it hurts so magnificently and tears spring to your eyes before he finally stops. You're shaking uncontrollably now, and he's whispering in your ear "Beg me."

And you sing for him like his little canary, sing for him because you know he loves it, and he grips you abused ass and everything burns that much more. "P-pl-hah-ease m-maAAHster I gotta-gotta come."

He licks you from your shoulder to your ear, and you nearly miss what he says "Should've eaten you out first, fuck you taste so good…a.." the rest is lost in static of imminent orgasm, you sob and beg again, you think, because Dirk's hand is on dick, one touch is all it takes, and your gone.

Moments later, both of you breathing heavy, your hearing still cutting in and out. He pulls out of you and whispers how good you were. He's asking if you need anything and your words are still gone, nothing forms and he looks concerned and asks you again, placing his hand on your face. You smile and hold it there, he seems to get the message and kisses you. Strong arms hold you close, the scent of his sweat fills your nose and warmth envelopes your chest. Hiding in the crook of his neck you let exhaustion take hold, a fleeting realization that he's humming your favorite song crosses, as you fade into a loving black.


	29. DirkJake (with Lil hal)

**Notes** Homestuck Sexcanon #5019: Dirk likes to keep his glasses on during sex so his autoresponder doesn't feel left out.

The room was dim, twilight glimmers dancing across the walls through the curtains, a soft glow from a distant lamp allowing the lovers to see outlines. The bed squeaked as they expressed utmost passion for each other. Naked and flushed against each other, hair a mess, completely bare except for Dirk's shades. A caramel hand raised and rested under the eyewear; a pale hand held it there leaning into its comfort. "Have I ever told you you're beautiful?" A rare sentimental word from the otherwise reticent male.

"Only every night."

"I don't do it enough."

Jake hummed as Dirk kissed his neck, following an invisible line down his torso, careful not to upset the skin with his pointed shades. Dirk gave a leisure thrust, taking his time, watching Jake's reactions as he moved inside him. A slight surprised gaping of the mouth, eyes fluttered closed, a small pucker of the brow, his gorgeous boyfriend was a candied sight that threaten to overwhelm the senses. The brunette's back arched and his breathing hitched, he squirmed underneath his lover. Strung tight only to haplessly jerk and relax, leading to another winding and repeated experience.

A smirk crept over Dirk's face, it was rare that Jake reacted this way, must have been worked up to night. He started plunging faster into Jake the writhing becoming faster and more erratic. Dirk's excitement could only grow with the sensation and the sight. He felt desperate hand pull him forward, likely for a kiss, and he wanted to comply. Give his adventurer and comfort or excitement he needed. Instead he was given a surprise, a whisper in his ear. "Harder, Senpai." Dirk lost all of his stoicism and control of the situation, coming instantly inside Jake.

Labored breathing and frazzled nerves were interrupted and intensified by a spurt of hot white arousal across his chest and a gasp from the one below him. His world was spinning as connection failed to communicate and all was an indistinct blur of limbs and fluid. When the details of the world filtered back in, red text spanned his vision. "I took the liberty of telling Jake some of your milder preference, he still doesn't know about the pony play fiction you wrote. Also, I recorded this session of your lovemaking for your perusal later." After several scans of the words, meaning finally sank in and the blonde smiled. He wasn't sure involving Hal was a good idea, but he's glad he took the chance. He could feel Jake's head resting on his chest, his own arm raised with great effort to possessively hold Jake closer.

"Fuck."

"I wasn't aware of your Japanese school boy predilections, I though Hal was pulling my leg quite honestly."

"…Did it weird you out?"

"No, although I was a little surprised at how much you responded to it. Should I wear a school uniform next time and ask you for help with my homework?"

Dirk groaned because as much as he hated to admit it, that did sound hot.

"I'll take that as a yes then."

More red text flashed across the screen. "Just ordered it."


	30. JohnRoxy

_**Notes:**_ _**Homestuck Sexcanon #6377: Jake makes Roxy moan loudest, no matter what he does.**_

 _ **I hope you like it, I'm not sure I did the prompt right.**_

Roxy was eyeing that fine piece of English ass from across the living room. She had hidden his favorite pistols in the bottom drawer of the cabinet and was relishing watching him as he bent over further and further in pursuit of his favorite weapon. She had lucked out that night, the shortest fucking pair of booty shorts he owned, his ass cheeks were falling out.

"Damn Jake."

"What?"

"You trying to seduce me with view?" She giggled. Jake huffed in annoyance.

"No my darling amorous dame, I'm looking for me fav-"He turned around to find his girlfriend naked on his couch, smiling that devious little smile of hers. "I-I do believe this is a nefarious plot of yours to keep me from the great call of my plundering and adventures."

"Well, you could plunder me. That could be an adventure." Somehow she managed to straight face saying that, and let her hands wander her slender body. Jake appeared to have lost his train of thought, wandering over to her in a trance. He stared down at her as she posed seductively on their couch.

"Perhaps I could, postpone my engagements." He let his fingertips graze her bare skin and she arched at his touch, a soft moan escaped her and Jake was done. He hoisted her into his arms, making his way to the bedroom, desperately trying to disrobe himself on the way. He managed to careen into the wall several times, twice bumping Roxy's head, she groaned at his excitement.

"C'mon Jakey, don't you want me?" She said in an exaggerated sweet voice. Jake stumbled faster until he half threw himself and her onto the bed.

Jake soon completely disrobed and kissed Roxy hard. As he pulled away he said, "Now is the time for magic sexual escapades with my tallywhacker in your cavern of delights."

Roxy giggled, "Oh my gawd Ja-hake." He sucked her nipple into his mouth, listening to her moan. He kissed his way up to her ear nibbling earlobe whispering to his fiendish princess, "A gentleman must know how to please his lady." His hand was between her legs, rubbing her clit, she moaned his name loudly. "You really have a wonderful voice darling."

He withdrew his hand and climbed further up the bed and over Roxy, searching for a condom. They should really put those in a specific place, not leave them strewn around. Little did he realize that he was smacking Roxy in the face with his erect cock, as she was still on the edge of the bed, her feet touching the ground. She moaned at the feeling and the taste of his precum touching her lips. "Found you, you elusive gizmo of reproductive contraception!" He shimmied his way back down and saw what he had done, he blushed a little and licked his fluid off her face, feeding it to her in a sloppy kiss.

"Jake." She moaned as he pulled away yet again, fighting with the condom wrapper.

"Soon my dear, as soon as I can get this nefarious wrapper off my dick glove, we will have wonderful sexy times." He continued to fight with the wrapper for quite some time, Roxy took the liberty of sucking his testicles until he was ready, moaning the entire time.

 _ **Notes:**_ _**So, I kept fighting between sexy Jake and goofy Jake, as you can see, I leaned towards the latter. I love right goofy Jake though.**_


	31. Rosemary

_**Notes**_ _**Not a sexcanon, a request from anon on tumblr: "power bottom rose, with kayana, who very much enjoys rose riding her bulge"**_

 _ **Alright! It's done. I hope you like it anon! This was my first time I really tried to write a power bottom, so feel free to comment with critiques!**_

Kanaya was laid out on the bed, her bulge writhing with anticipation. Her lover covered her body, gently brushing her erotic appendage away if she became too eager. "Remember darling, do nothing until I say so. Don't even come unless I say."

"Is this common for human mating rituals?"

"Yes, now just relax." Rose kissed her lover's form, taking one of her large mounds of grey flesh into the human mouth. Kanaya gasped and whined, making Rose smirk. She sucked, eliciting a sharp cry from the troll under her. "You want me to ride you, don't you Kan?"

"Yes." Rose moved to the other mound of flesh, Kanaya's fists clenched the sheets.

"You can put it in now Kan." The troll didn't need to be told twice, the oozing green tentacle slithered inside her girlfriend, making the human shudder. "Careful, no thrashing yet." Kanaya whined, trying to retrain herself, Rose's heat making it difficult. The delicious warmth encompassing her appendage, begging her to explore its depths.

Rose rocked her hips inducing another moan from her matesprit. A devious smirk appeared on the human's face. Delicate hands explored their own body, purple eyes met their jade opposite, lidded and enticing. She pinched her nipples and moaned Kanaya's name, making the bulge in her twitch, hitting the very edge of her g-spot. Thankful for her exceptional self-control, she kept her sound of need in, slapping Kanaya's thigh in admonishment.

"Keep as still as possible." Rose started grinding and bouncing on Kanaya's bulge. Her breasts jiggling every time their hips met again. Kanaya watched Rose perform for her, a dark green coating her skin, losing control of her lower extremities as her tentacle began to wriggle inside her human lover. Rose stopped instantly, staring her paramour down in an erotic haze.

"I'm sorry Rose, you just-"

"Go ahead Kanaya. Let's see what you've got." The appendage began thrashing inside Rose, all of the pent up restraint breaking free and stretching Rose in the most pleasurable way. Every once in a while hitting her button, making her shake.

"Rose, I-I think I'm going to-"

"Don't, know yet." Soon Rose was bouncing on Kanaya's lap once more, encouraging the bulge to jerk against her inner walls. Kanaya was forced to lie back, caught between watching her lover and shielding herself from stimuli that may bring about a premature end. As the speed increased, she wondered if she would be able to hold out. The sight of her dearest's brow puckered with carnal delight and the soft tinge of pink made her grip the sheets in a desperate attempt at control.

"Come Kanaya." She didn't need to be told twice. Green genetic fluid flooded Rose's cavern, the blonde climaxing shortly after. The hot alien semen inside her making her moan, filling her more than she ever thought possible.

Kanaya was the first to recover, she kindly gripped Rose's shoulders, easing her down and slipping out of her. Kisses and whispers of adoration we the only noises until Rose recovered. Soft exhausted smiles were exchanged between the two before they drifted into the realm of pleasant illusions.


	32. JohnDave8

Summary: Homestuck Sexcanon 3513:Dave can get John to easily cum if he fucks him from behind rough, pumps his length, and licks/kisses the sensitive parts of his neck all at the same time. John rarely ever lasts.

John was chopping vegetables in preparation for dinner when he heard the lock click and his boyfriend open the door. He set down the knife and wiped his hand before head to the front door to great his paramour after what had to have been a long day. "Hey Dave…!-"

Dave's sunglasses were off, a rare occurrence so early in the evening. The look in his incarnadine eyes felt like it could burn flesh. The brunette couldn't even ask the blonde how his day went before the knight was on him, kissing him hard and taking his breath away. John was gasping as Dave continued his assault, pushing the breath player down the hall and towards their bedroom. Dave began nibbling at John's jaw giving the smaller male a chance to ask as the whirlwind of arousal threatened to derail his thoughts, "Wh-what brought this on?"

"Been wanting you all day." The pair's legs met the edge of the bed. Dave pulled away, forcefully turned John around and pressed him into the mattress, head turned so he could breath. Dave pinned him there as he grinded his hard-on against John's backside. The brunette moaning as he felt his own pants become painfully tight. "Say my name." Dave demanded.

"Dave, fuck. God, Dave." John's hips bucked, making Dave swear.

The carnal undulations stopped, making John whine as Dave knelt down and whispered harshly in his ear. "Don't move."

The submissive male clenched his fists in the sheets as he felt the unfortunate departure of his lover. He could hear rustling, Dave was getting the lube and condoms. He felt the items placed beside him as Dave pawed at his clothes, nearly ripping them off his form. The blonde was naked now too, fingering John quickly before slicking himself up. He pressed into the heir, when John moaned he stopped, worried he had been too eager and hadn't prepped him enough, "You okay."

"Don't stop."

Dave smirked and continued to press into John, the two groaning at the contact. After only a few seconds to adjust Dave was pounding John as hard as he could. The male beneath him was writhing and clawing as the sheets as high pitched sounds of pleasure fell from his lips. The knight wrapped his hand around his lover's cock, pumping powerfully and fervently. It still wasn't enough, Dave kissed the special little intimate space on John neck, making him shout half formed words and mangled variations of Dave's name. After another three pumps John was spent and collapsed on the bed as Dave continued fucking him. The blonde had an insane level of stamina, plunging into John's soft lithe body until a second climax was imminent. Dave made him come again before finally releasing inside his boyfriend. The condom collected the fluid, but the heat still felt as John moaned at the sensation.

Dave took it upon himself to clean up and cover John, watching as his lover looked up at him bleary eyed. "I still have to make dinner."

"Just rest for a bit and I'll help you later."


	33. JakeDirkRoxyJane

_**Notes:**_ _**After a while, Jake's shorts started to get too big for his rump. Everybody can't help oogling his ass in those tight khaki shorts.**_

 _ **I think the person who had submitted this to Homestuck Sexcanons meant that the shorts were too SMALL, that's why they're tight. At least, that's the interpretation I went with. Not super NSFW, but NSFW enough to be here.**_

Jake had gained a little weight, Jane was bringing cake and cookies to every gathering of the alphas and it would have been rude to refuse. Now the calories all went to his rump and he can barely fit them on anymore. He silently hoped that none of the others noticed.

Dirk was walking behind Jake, next to Roxy, his eyes pulled downwards despite many efforts to keep them level. Thank god for the shades. Roxy was surprisingly quiet, thankfully. Trying to carry a conversation with this enticing distraction would be near impossible. His mind constantly wandering towards inappropriate fantasies. Day dreams of fucking Jake against a wall, squeezing his ass as he separated the cheeks. Or bending Jake over the bed, watching as his dick disappeared into the plush skin, hips smacking against the soft roundness with every thrust, the occasional slap that would make Jake moan. Shit, he's going to get a raging boner if he doesn't stop. Stop looking at the ass, stop looking at the ass, stop looking at the ass.

Roxy wasn't fairing much better. Jake's booty bounced when he walked, the tight khakis hiding nothing. She imagined idly, him dancing for her, in nothing but those tiny, tight, shorts. Ooo, what if he twerked in them? Did Jake know how to twerk? Roxy could teach him? Watch that ass shake. It was still jiggling nicely right now, almost hypnotic. No, this isn't right. Jane and Dirk both liked Jake, she didn't want to start anything. Maybe just admire the view a bit longer.

The four kids were setting up their weekly picnic on LOMAX, Dirk and Roxy were setting up the blanket, and Jake was helping Jane with the food. The adventurer was carrying the cooler, "Where would you like me to set this?"

"Over there's fine."

"Righto!"

Jane watched as Jake bent over, setting the cooler down, his ass perfectly framed by the too tight pants. A blush crept up to her cheeks as she went about setting up the food. Fanciful imagery filtered into her vision as she imagined a domestic scene with herself and Jake. Jake was cooking as she supervised, a playful squeeze on the large rump to distract him, dissolving into mutual touching, a burned dinner and tender lovemaking on the kitchen floor. Roxy had to call her back to reality and they began to eat.

Jake was oblivious to the entire predicament of his friend, merely relieved that no one seemed to notice his extra weight.


	34. Davekat3

_**Summary:**_ _**Homestuck Sexcanon 6869: Daveis pretty good at keeping his cool during sex, but when he finally cums he's a loud, shaking mess.**_

Karkat was frustrated with his stoic boyfriend. The bastard never moaned like he did during foreplay. Blunt human fingers trailed his grubscars making him swear and tremble, kissing with more passion and a hint of desperation. And the bastard smirked, he fucking smirked. One of the troll's claws traced the most vulnerable area of the human's neck, barely even a shudder. Shades were ripped from the pale face and flung to the corner of the room. A growl built in the stentorian boy's chest, leaking into a lust filled kiss. "Dave I'm going to break that cool kid façade if it's the last thing I do, I swear to frog."

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean bulge muncher."

"No, I really don't." Rosy lips licked where Karkat's jaw met his neck, a breathy moan following and a writhing bulge that desperately needed freedom from its confines. Dave softly groped Karkat through his pants making the troll moan louder; it also appeared to unleash the more aggressive side of him.

Karkat forced Dave onto his back, claws tearing the shirt in half and away from the slender form. Reaching for the human's lower raiment he was met with a slightly out of breath and mildly panicked response. "Whoa, dude. I don't want your claws on my junk." A leer and grunt of acknowledgement was given before the slate hued male climbed off and removed his own clothing.

Dave barley had enough time to remove his pants before Karkat was back on him, a slimy, but oddly pleasant and familiar feeling of a lubed tentacle at his entrance made Dave bite back a whine. Karkat, despite the aggressive nature, was always very gentle during the breach, kissing Dave tenderly, watching him intently, doing everything possible to make the experience comfortable.

Once sheathed inside a subtle wriggling could be felt. The troll patiently looking for the trigger. The only indication that he had found was a subtle arch and barely heard gasp from his lover. He continued to abuse it, Dave slowly unraveled little gasps and tiny moans, ripples of erotic sensations traveled through him. As he hit his brink he was writing underneath his matesprit calling out in high pitched cries of pleasure "FUCK K-KARKAT! KARKAT!" White spurts of hot cum spread across his stomach, Karkat slowed his assault, kissing Dave down from his high.

"Good, now we can do this right." Before Dave could protest Karkat began thrashing inside him, swallowing his argument down with a kiss.

When he finally broke the lip-lock, Dave was already in the throes of a carnal embrace. "Ah- AH! AH!"


	35. DirkJake10

**_Notes_**

 _ **Sexcanon #1451: Jake English loves taking it up the ass. He will ride Dirk like a western adventurer rides a wild stallion, and dominate him into tameness.**_

"Jake! …Jake where the hell are you?" Dirk looked around, he hated Jake's island, trees everywhere, impossible to see anything, the exact opposite of home. Shit, he had wandered too far away and had no idea where he was or which way Jake's place was. He had no choice but to continue aimlessly about the forest. The terrain changed beneath his feet, the pumpkin patch, well at least now he had an idea of where he was. He began to move towards home when he was tackled from behind, the wind knocked out of him, gasping breath. Senses on high alert he fought frantically get free before he felt cool metal on his neck. "Steady there, Strider."

The tension disappeared as mild annoyance set it. "I've been looking for you for the past hour, where the fuck were you?" Mouth partially obstructed by vines as he felt Jake's weight on the back of his hips. Jake seemed to understand him nonetheless.

"Oh, just out for my evening hike. I apologize, I should have told you."

"Yeah you should have."

"I can make it up to you." A soft rock of Jake's hips against his ass sent Dirk mind to the filthiest place in this universe. Jake would not want that, sex maybe, but not THAT type of sex. Jake grinded against Dirk again eliciting a soft whimper from the blonde.

"Yeah, you do that." Hands were clawing at his back as his shirt was removed. His body forced to roll on to his back by surprisingly strong hands. Jake was already shirtless, only tight-leaving-nothing-to-the-imagination shorts and his black pants keeping them from each other. "You sure you want to do this Jake?"

The page smiled the darkest smile Dirk had ever seen from his paramour and leaned down, a harsh breath in his ear "If I didn't want it Dirk, would I have already lubed myself and stretched myself for you?" Yep, that's it, Dirk needs his pants off now. The two quickly stripped and Jake knelt over pale hips, reaching behind as he pulled something out of his ass. Eyes hungry and a voiced groan as Jake grabbed the lube from his pants and slathered some on the flushed and gorgeous cock before him.

The brunette grabbed Dirk's hands, placing them on his hips as his own hands gripped the blonde's shoulder. "Nice and slow now, eh Strider?"

"Yeah, of course." Dirk braced him and showered him with tender kisses, asking him if he was alright.

"I'm fine, just let me…" Jake rocked his hips, testing. Dirk moaned loudly falling on to his back.

"Fuck, English." Jake smirked and began soft bounces on Dirk's hips. "Ah-F-f-f-uuuucccck. Oh god." Hands were soon on tan hips, trying to help and increase the sensations. Jake raked his fingernails down Dirk's chest, bright lines of fire dotted with a strangled cry.

"No, no, no, Dirk, I'm the one in control." The blonde was breathing hard, not even able to protest before Jake was riding him again. Pale hands found their way to bronze thigh, rubbing them for encouragement, soon gripping them harder. "Don't come." Jake commanded as he ripped the shades from Dirk's face. Wide with warm flares encompassing inky irises in a thin line, his own personal solar eclipse.

The command had the near opposite effect on Dirk, sending a bolt of arousal through him that threatened to set him off. Jake soon slowed his pace, "Fuck, c'mon Jake. I wanna. Just-"

His words were cut off with a vicious bite to the juncture of his neck and shoulder, making him jerk against Jake, nearly sending him over the edge. Now, only pleas fell from his lips as Jake sucked the already forming bruise. "Jake please, please let me come. I-I need to come Jake."

"From now on you do what I say without argument, got it? Dirk?"

The prince sobbed, "Yes, yes-just-please! I'm so close Jake, just let me come. Please!"

"Come Dirk." Jake came as he felt the hot thick liquid fill him. And the two laid in the patch for a long while, the sun nearly set before they dressed and walked home. Well, Dirk walked, Jake insisted on being carried.


	36. DirkJake11

_**Notes:**_ _**Sexcanon 2725:Jake has to bite his pillow every time Dirk nails his ass, otherwise Dirk will notice the fact that Jake's voice cracks all the time.**_

The two were nothing tangled limbs and writhes pleasure, Jake begging "Please Dirk, just, fuck me!" Dirk was able to extricate himself after a few haphazard attempts, Jake making impatient huffing noises. Dirk nipped his throat making him moan, "Now be good and be patient." A breathless command.

"Yes sir."

"Atta boy. And take of your pants."

Dirk retrieved the lube while Jake disrobed, spreading the substance over his fingers as traced Jake's opening; making the brunette groaning in frustration. Dirk snickered and inserted a finger, feeling the warmth inside. "Fuck Jake." He gasped.

"Heh, want my ass don't you."

"Damn right." Dirk pulled his fingers out, coating his member while Jake changed position to his hands and knees. "You sure you wouldn't prefer missionary?"

"We never do missionary."

"I know, but-" Dirk kissed him. "I want to see your face when you come. C'mon Jake."

"Next time will use a mirror."

Dirk would argue, that it's not the same, that it's not what he wants; but he's painfully hard and now is not the time. The blonde grabbed Jake's hips, sliding himself inside. Starting with shallow, gentle thrusts to start a rhythm. Jake was soon whining for more, faster, harder. Dirk was happy to oblige. Pounding him hard into the sheets as Jake buried his face into a pillow.

No, this time, Dirk wanted to hear him. He stopped, making Jake raise his head and ask what was wrong. The prince seized his opportunity to remove the pillow and whisper harshly in his boyfriend's ear, "I want to hear you."

Without his go to hiding place Jake was forced to bite back his moans desperately, it was all over for him when Dirk hit his prostate though. He moaned loudly, voice cracking. His boyfriend hit it again making his scream, his voice failing once again halfway through. "Fuck Jake." Dirk seemed into it, fucking him harder with every failed vocalization.

After that night, Jake was never allowed hide in a pillow again.


	37. JohnDave9

_**Summary:**_ _**#7692: One time Dave said he and John fucked like rabbits, so John showed up in bed with a pair of fake rabbit ears on and proceeded to fuck the hell out of Dave.**_

Dave entered the apartment, keys jingling in his hands. "John?" A soft echo through the house, followed by distant rustling. Setting the groceries down, Dave systematically made his way through every darkened room in the apartment, repeatedly calling John's name. He finally ended with their room, tempted to pretend to give up if John wasn't going to answer, he knew the boy was here, shoes by the door don't lie.

A flick of the finger and the room illuminated, showcasing a scantily clad young brunette male splayed across their shared bed. Lace panties strained by a hard cock, a black vest and little bunny ears adorned the slim figure. Dave looked on agape, "John…wha?"

"Don't you remember Dave, what you said last night?"

"No."

"You said we fucked like rabbits."

"So you decided to dress as a rabbit?"

"Yep." A sly grin.

"How does that even make sense?"

The blonde watched as the heir raised his hand, starting at his forehead and trailing finger tips down until he reached his hard-on, palming himself as he moaned, "You don't like it?"

Dave was on him in an instant hand cupping John's while his mouth sucked at John's neck. Pulling away only to groan, "No, I like it. It's hot."

John flipped them over, "Ah-ah, bunny wants a carrot." Dave was about to complain about the ridiculousness of John's comment, but the boy already had his mouth around his knight.

"AHHHHHHhhhhhhhh-fuck." Panting breaths, John was fast, and entirely too good. Where did his pants go? A cool slick finger was at his entrance as John continued to suck him. Trailing kisses down his shaft while a finger worked circles over his sensitive entrance, slowly pushing inside. Fingers pumping every once in a while swiping over that heavenly spot, making him scream, never once letting up on his dick. Dave came into John's mouth, the brunette swallowing it greedily, wiping mouth and slowly undoing his vest as Dave watched in an orgasmic haze.

Something blunt filling him as a piecing gaze struck through his dreamy state, making him want everything all over again. John moved inside him at a steady pace, every time Dave moaned or whimpered the rhythm would become faster and ever so slightly more erratic.

It wasn't long before the breath player was fucking Dave so hard that he wondered in a fleeting notion if they would break the bed. The beautiful sight beneath him chasing such cares away, and when Dave screamed, it was all over.

Both came in unison, cum all over Dave inside and out. A lovely darkness pricking at the edges of his vision. Not yet, not yet….

John cleaned up his boyfriend and found him already asleep, placing the blankets over them both, he held the slight form of his Texan close and joined him in that beautiful figurative universe of dreams.


	38. DirkJake12

_**Notes:**_ _**#689: Jake has a vine/tentacle fetish. Dirk found out and put some...special settings in Dirkbot, (his multiple arms weren't just for thumbs down during strifing). Jake found out the fun way and is still debating whether or not he should send the video to Dirk or not.**_

The dastardly contraption of metal parts was kicking his rump. Even on easy mode, the thing still managed to one up him in a round of fisticuffs. He had it this time though, he was recorded the fight, learning it's secrets for next time. Next time he would triumph! This time though he just needed to hold his own so he could get enough footage. The robot had him in an arm lock, forcing him to the ground where it….caressed the back of his head. Thick metal fingers trailing down his spine through his clothes, distracting him momentarily from the other hands which were reaching around his front, stroking him through his clothes. He whined, cheeks burning with embarrassment, the blasted contraption shouldn't get him riled up like this. It was the first time he had been touched this way by hands that weren't his own.

The mental hands seemed to know everything he liked though. Long rough stroked through his shorts, making them feel smaller than they already are. A soft gyration against his ass making him groan, which started a whole new series of manuvers.

A small grainy voice "Initiating subroutine FJFA-001. Please confirm that you are JAKE ENGLISH."

"…I am…?" He wanted to look at the infuriating machine, but the arms kept him firmly in place.

"The following procedure is meant to pleasurable for you. If at any time you experience pain, discomfort, or want to stop, please say 'Red' to terminate the program, alternatively, if you find it difficult to speak," The robot removed one of his hands from Jake's waist, entwining strong chrome fingers with comparatively delicate flesh ones. "Please stretch out your fingers to terminate the program."

"…okay?"

The many arms turned him around to face Brobot, "This is the tool that will be used in this sequence." A well lubricated erotic looking tapered appendage fell out of the robot's pelvis and immediately began wriggling. Jake was nearly drool, that was going to be inside him. "Is the tool satisfactory?"

"Yes, fuck yes." Jake groaned.

The event happened at lightning speed. Clothes were torn from Jake's body, the tentacle slowly rotating at his entrance, like it was drilling its way inside. Two hands kept him in place, while the forth held his hand as he gripped it hard and the third was tracing soothing circles in the small of his back. Once the appendage was fully seated inside with began to flail while the tip never left his prostate, applying varying amounts of pressure, always keeping him guessing and excited. No time to even get used to the feeling as the hand from his back disappeared and reappeared, lubed and pumping his dick. He would have squirmed with overstimulation if the two metal appendages weren't completely locking him down, increasing his overall excited until his came into the robot's hand. Attempting to thrash against his bonds.

The robot continued through his orgasm before retracting all hands and the tentacle dick. Carrying him to his room and placing him on the bed, holding him close. The faint heat from Jake's body moments before could still be felt. Jake remembered the camera that was still on outside. Maybe he should send Dirk a copy.


	39. DirkJakeHal

**_Notes:_**

 _ **4270:Lil Hal records Dirk's point of view whenever he masturbates, and then sends the video to Jake. Dirk Still doesn't know.**_

 _ **I love this prompt so much. I wish there were more Hal related sexcanons and prompts.**_

Dirk laid out on his bed, horny, but hesitant, like always. He had just finished talking with Jake, it's not like anything was particularly arousing in their conversation, the adventurer just had that effect on him.

Hands tweaking his nipples through his shirt, traveling down to massage his inner thighs through his soft pajama pants, cock already erect and strain against the cotton. He shouldn't do this, he was a creep for doing this.

TT: Want some help?

"No, I don't need help." Hands trembling over his desperate dick.

TT: Did you know that Jake's webcam faces his bed?

"Yes,…?" Where was this going."

TT: The dork doesn't have any firewalls either.

A video popped up on the screen, Jake with his fingers up his ass, pumping them in and out, making the best noise imaginable. Dirk was done, shoving his pants down he grasped his aching phallus, massaging the shaft, wiping his thumb across his slit, groaning Jake's name.

The video continued to play, Jake moved, ass hidden from view, but his dick on full display. The blonde hastily grabbed his lube from beside him, slicking the fingers as he teased his entrance, gasping Jake's name.

The audio was climbing, Jake's moans were growing, "AH! YES! YES!" fueling Dirk's desire and excitement. He was getting close, he didn't want this to end, he didn't want to stop watching the object of his obsession.

"Dirk! AH DIRK!"

The blonde climaxed the instant he heard his name. Jake had said his name. Jake had said his name! The knowledge made the afterglow all the sweeter as annoying red text quipped at him.

TT: You're welcome.

LATER

TT: The video worked, thin you could make some more.

GT: I don't know, it was quite uncomfortable doing that know someone was recording me.

TT: Well, thanks to your video, I have a hell of a video for you.

GT….

GT: Oh my god.

TT: Like it?

GT: Boy shitting howdy do I!

TT: Good, a few more videos from you and Dirk might actually initiate something during chat. Try to keep the camera in mind though, let Dirk see everything.

GT:Al-alright.


	40. Dirk

_**Notes:**_ _**#5644: Heart players get off when they go god tier.**_

 _ **I wish I could have made this longer. There just wasn't enough to go on.**_

Dirk lay on his quest bed, contemplating what to do. They had gone through so much to get to this point. He could die, he'd done it once, he could do it again, but Roxy…he couldn't kill Roxy. The blonde girl next him laid curled up on her side, back facing him. She was scared.

It was a decision he didn't have to make. The planet of Derse shook and groaned, immediately after consumed in a bright light. He was dying. The magic of the bed wrapped itself around him. Filling him with a sweet light. It felt good, really good, exhilarating. Illusions seeped into his visions, the future? His wishes? A wet dream? Who fucking know, best not to question it. The feeling of the situation was more than enough to satisfy. Jake above him, plowing into him, chanting his name. Everything he shamefully wanted and despicably enjoyed. He hated himself for it, but it was just too delectable not to savor. Jake hitting his prostate with every thrust, saying dirty things in his ear, hand wrapped around the blonde's cock, making him beg. Climax imminent as a blade was placed to his throat, a swift slice was all it took to climax.

The magic forming around him taking form, those awful poofy asshole pants. And a fucking crown too. Roxy was next to him looking surprised, but also relieved, he chose not to mention his experience.


	41. Cronkri3

_**Notes:**_ _**#2168: When Kankri can't take the build up any longer and breaks his vow, he'll rush to his partner of choice as fast as he can. His clothes will stay on, and his hips will jerk slightly, but the arching and screaming of his partner is a dead giveaway that he's thrashing wildly inside them. He leaves them exhausted, satisfied, and too shaky to stand.**_ _**It doesn't follow the prompt exactly, but I think it fits Kankri a bit better. I hope you guys like it!**_

Kankri's damned libido had been building for the past several months. Self-denial was a practiced art for him, one he was proud of, his fists shook as he clenched his sheets, he would not give in. He would not succumb to his base desires, refusing to leave the room, lest temptation proved too much. He just needed to ride…he needed Cronus riding his bu-NO! He needed to ride out the temptation, the sticky syrup of fiery bliss that would make him feel incredible. The warmth that would envelope him and the taste of his matesprit's lips. Mmmmm, maybe just kissing Cronus would be enough. No, it wouldn't, a few months ago it was enough, now it would only spur something else, carnal and sinfully decadent.

To get his mind off things he looked for his book on sexuality and the caste system in media, trying to distract himself from the throbbing between his legs, praying that it would pass soon.

Not fifteen minutes later, there was a knock on his door. A foreboding omen he couldn't help but indulge. "Who is it?"

"It's me chief." Heat danced on his skin, robbing the warmth from inside him, begging for touch.

"Come in." He done. Before the sea dweller could even say two words Kankri was on him, kissing him hard and locking the door. Beckoning the high-blood with his scalding hands on cold skin back with him, onto the bed. Pants ripped open and shoved down, whose were first was impossible to tell, Cronus doing everything he could just to keep up. He rarely got sex from Kankri, he wasn't about to stop and ask why.

Soon a large, dripping, writhing bulge slithered into slipped into the fin-bearer's nook, mewling at the intrusion. Kankri remained silent, but afloat in an erotic haze of overactive hormones and firing neurons; dopamine flooding his system. The writhing troll on his lap scream his name as he watched with lidded eyes.

Skin flushed violet as his scrawny chest heaved, head thrown back and his body shook; strong hands of his social warrior kept him from moving away, forced to endure the near over whelming intensity. Kankri was in a particularly giving mood, after all, he hadn't asked permission. Since Cronus seemed to be enjoying himself, he deserved a little extra for Kankri's lack of consideration. The red blood, nipped at the violet grubscars on the side of his victim. Earning a mewl and a whiny "Please." From the one above. He latched one sucking as hard as he could as Cronus let out a scream so loud his voice broke and was left raspy and panting. Kankri bit down, his torso soon covered in violent genetic fluid as he finally allowed himself to come inside Cronus, a small whimper escaped the abused body of his lover.

The two lay panting for some time, covered in the product of their coitus. Cronus would remain in Kankri's bed until the next morning, unable to move, and served breakfast as a further apology from Kankri for not ascertaining verbal consent before engaging in such activities. Varying levels of apologies continued for the next week, despite how many times Cronus said he was happy it happened and that he wasn't forced in any way.


	42. DirkJake13

Notes: #2767: Jake needs rough sex to feel satisfied. Nothing else will wear him out enough. I hope this is considered rough enough for the prompt.

Jake laid idly on the couch, Dirk should be home any minute. Hopefully the blonde got the pictures. Regardless of whether he did or not, this surprise should be fun. Jake was completely naked, light stroking his hard-on, think of what Dirk might do to him. He heard the key in the lock and closed his eyes, pretending he was too caught up to notice his boyfriend's arrival. "Ah, Dirk…my god."

A brief pause in after the door opened, he continued, trying not to make himself climax. "Oh! AH!" Dirk was on him, kissing him sweetly, too sweetly. "C'mon treat me like one of your robots, I can take it. I want it." Dirk threw him off the couch, face down on the ground. A hesitation above as he heard a groan and felt grinding on his ass.

"You tease me all fucking day and then you make demands." Dirk slapped his ass making him mewl. The page's head was pulled up by his hair as he gasped, the delicious sting sending shudders down his spine.

"Y-you work too hard, thought you deserved a treat. Thought I deserved a treat as well." The weight lifted off him before he was yanked off the ground, scrambling limbs as he fought Dirk for domination, the blonde one as usual. Dirk had him pressed against the wall, gyrating, the rough fabric of the pants making him hiss.

Dirk peeled him off the wall, pushing him down the all while he shucked his pants. As soon as the offending clothing was gone he pinned Jake against the nearest wall, grabbed hold of both they're cocks and began jacking them off. Jake's volume climbing with every stroke. "How's this for a treat." Dirk said between panting breaths.

"I-it's pretty good." Licking his soft lips before a dominating mouth suck on his bottom lip, nibbling it softly.

"That's not good enough Jake." He turned the brunette around, arm twisted behind his back, keeping him in place, but not hurting him. Letting his dick rub against the seam of Jake's ass, moaning. "God, that ass is so plush, bet it would fit nicely around my cock.

Jake shivered and groaned. The prince pulled him off the wall, pushing him once again towards the bedroom. The two stumbled in, Dirk quicker to regain his balance. He bent the hope player over the bed, roughly probing him with a finger and moaning when he found Jake had already prepped himself. He quickly shoved himself inside the inviting warmth, fucking Jake so hard he could barely breathe.

Hard and fast he plunged into coffee colored skin, making him writhe and give breathless cries.

When it was over Jake was left passed out on the bed, while Dirk cleaned them both up. Tucking Jake in before leaving to make some dinner.


	43. DirkJake14

Notes: #3642: Dirk really loves it when his partner is dressed as a pony during sex. I'm sorry guys, I'm so sorry. I'm awful.

Dirk better appreciate this because I feel ridiculous. I'm standing here in front of the bathroom mirror decked out like some trollop pony looking for a stud. The furry boots may be a bit much, but it's his birthday and I really wanted to go all out. I spent a small fortune on this ridiculous get-up, lace saddle with matching panties, a small hole in the back; the reins-like gag already in place, with the stupid horse ears headband. The only thing needed to complete the outfit was the tail plug. Sighing to myself I start prepping, trying to get lost in my own thoughts and not think of horse related sex puns which would only result in me giggling like a school girl.

I lather my fingers in lube, stretching myself nice and slow. Dirk was a firebomb in bed once he got going, I don't want him to have to stop. I allow myself the luxury of a groan when I find my prostate, I can't allow my little rocket to take off and leave me on planet rumpy humpy funland just yet, but lordy-hoo, that feels good. My southern pistol is loaded and ready to fire, straining against the confines of the gossamer fabric of boner magic underwear.

Forcing my fingers to leave the cave of delights I insert the tail plug, letting it settle. Unfortunately for me, it settles in the simultaneous best and worst place. Biting down on my gag as I fight for dominance over my carnal urges. I try to focus on displaying myself enticingly on the bed. Do I show of the saddle? The plug? My adventurous weeping rod in these lascivious undergarments?

After some position and repositioning (and a few close calls, consarn toy of impropriety teasing my switch of orgasmagic) I finally decide to position myself, with my bum toward the door and my back arched. Just in time too, I can hear him entering our dwelling of sinful …er….sexy times. No, our dungeon of …

"Jake?"

Oh dear, he's here. I moan in response, slightly delayed, but it doesn't appear to impede him in the least. He flash steps over, grabbing my hips and rocking his raging engorged pleasure rod into my hole of desperation. I groan again into the reins, which he seems to take notice of and pulls my head pulled back as he continues to rut against me.

"Fuck Jake, what'd I do to deserve this?"

He plays with the tail plug still inside me and I scream into my gag when he presses it sharp against my prostate. He moans and I can feel chest swell a little with pride. He slowly takes it out, thrusting it in and out of me a little as he goes, teasing me; the cocky (heh heh, cocky) bastard. His hoisted meat petard is at may entrance of erotic wonders and I brace myself for the fucking of a life time when he pauses and sweetly caresses my hips. "Thanks Jake, I love you." And he kisses between my shoulder blades, and down my spine, acting as though he's about to lick my unmentionable area when his thick flagpole plunges into my moist body, claiming me as his own.


	44. DirkJake RoxyHal

Notes: #4751: Roxy has convinced AR to peep while Dirk and Jake are doing naughty stuff. He shares the video with her later. You guys, what am I doing with my life.

TT: I have to admit, it feels, or at least as much as a soulless automaton like me can feel, weird about spying on my creator's, and by extension myself getting fucked.

TG: C'mon give me the nasties.

You're giggling, not drunk, you swear, just a lot of sugar, your new vice.

TT: Fine.

*TT sent video to TG*

You click the play button and HOLY HELL that's a lot of naked boy bodies. They look good though, you never realized Dirk was so ripped, or a bottom. Jake is mister butterfingers with his dick, which you didn't even think was possible, even with all the lube it really shouldn't be that hard to put a dick in a butt. Dirk looks equal parts aroused and perturbed.

When Jake finally starts to sink his battleship (*snort*) into Dirk, the blonde grimaces and grabs hold of Jake's bicep. "Slowly Jake, remember?"

"Sorry!"

It's kind of cute more than erotic watching the two, Jake looks terrified and keeps kissing the prince. Dirk is smiling for the first time in, forever. You don't think you've ever seen him smile before. You hear a murmur, but can't quite make out what's being said, but Jake's starts moving his hips again until Dirk seizes up and tells him to stop. You sit there entranced at the sheer love of it all. They're giggling and smiling and it's all so intimate. You almost feel bad for sneaking peeks like this.

"I'm going to start, okay?"

"Yeah, go ahead."

Jake starts thrusting gently in and out, he lets out a few moans, but seems entirely focused on Dirk. The blonde visibly scrunching his face, the most expressive you've ever seen him. Jake seems to be trying his best to keep a slow rhythm. After a little bit Dirk relaxes into the bed, giving little whimpers and groans.

"Jake, come on, h-harder." Jake picks up his pace. It's really getting good now. Dirk's moans pick up as well, and he looks so vulnerable.

"Harder! F-faster, faster! Ah! H-hah! YES!" You had not pegged Dirk as a screamer. "YES, JAKE! JAKE! JAKE! Oh god! M-more! MORE!"

The color his creeping over your face and you can feel a tension growing between your own legs. You almost begin touching yourself when it abruptly ends…apparently neither boy has much stamina. Jake came first, but Dirk was with him after only two strokes.

You sit there for a moment giggling a little, but your laughter dies when you see Jake grab a towel and wipe Dirk down. You can hear the blonde audibly hiss when Jake wipes too roughly "Sorry!" He's kissing the Texan lovingly and soon tosses the towel away and brings him into a cuddle.

Dirk murmurs something about bottoming more often and you can hear Jake chuckle at that. And the bodies still for a few moments before the video ends.

TT: I told you it would be disappointing.

TG: Nah, it was cute!

TT: C'mon you were disappointed with quick draw and the premature adventure.

TG: They were still adorbs.

TT: Whatever. Want help with your lady boner?

TG: …Yes.


	45. DaveJake2

_**Notes:**_ _**#8699: Dave is a huge teaser. He will make you beg until you're screaming his name.**_ _**Okay, I learned that daddykink really isn't my thing. Sorry, this is super short. I won't say this goes on my "absolutely not" list, but it probably isn't something I'll do again unless specifically requested. And probably nothing longer than a drabble.**_ _**This is why I like trying to write new stuff though, I learned about a kink, I learned what it entailed, and I learned how I feel about it. Overall, a positive experience.**_

Jake was bent over the desk, Dave playing with his entrance and pinning his hands over his head. The poor page teased mercilessly for the past twenty minutes.

"Nnngh."

"Now Jake, remember our talk. You have to use your words."

"Please daddy." He whined, gripping the edge of the desk tightly.

"Good boy, now keep those hands over your head, no touching."

"Yes, daddy."

Dave lowered himself and began lapping and Jake's hole, leaving the brunette squirming. Dave let his tongue wander to the adventurer's taint before coming up and nipping at the firm skin of Jake's ass. "Roll over and spread 'em."

Jake did as he was told, bare and exposed to Dave's wishes. The blonde began at his knee, trailing kisses down his thigh and began sucking on the skin just before Jake's cock. The page was panting and begging for contact. Dave blew hot breath on Jake's weeping cock, looking up and meeting green eyes as he made a painfully slow decent, tongue outstretched toward the erect phallus; only to swerve off course at the last moment and make a matching hickey on the other side of Jake's pelvis.

The brunette screamed in frustration. "C'mon Dave, jiminy fucking chirstmas!"

Dave immediately drew to his full height, glowered at Jake with his piercing red eyes, spanking Jake hard making his sub cry out. "I'm sorry, what did you say?" His voice dulcet and dark.

Jake sobbed, "Please daddy. I just, fuck I-I need."

Dave cut him off with a kiss, "Good, Jake." His hand wandered down as he began stroking his lover, a strangled, emotional moan, his reward.

"How do you want it?"


	46. DirkJake15

_**Notes:**_ _**#5343: Dirk has a giant foot fetish. Whenever he sees Jake's black socks, he can't help, but get an instant boner. Same goes with him barefoot. Jake often uses it in bed, never taking socks off before sex.**_ _**I've met a couple of people that know about foot fetishes and are completely grossed out by them. I don't really get why. As long as the feet are clean, it's just skin. I personally don't get the arousal factor, but I'm not grossed out by them. This was actually fun to write, but I feel mean because I laughed while I wrote it.**_

 _ **Can anyone with a foot fetish give me feedback? I'm curious if I did an okay job for my first time writing this kink.**_

Dirk, clad in nothing but boxer shorts to combat the insane heat of the day, was reading a robotics manual in bed. The lazy Sunday morning, while hot, had a nice serenity of domestic bliss to it. Jake was likely cleaning his guns, as he did every Sunday.

The blonde was engrossed in specs of a newly designed processer when he felt a tickle on his calf, looking down he say Jake's bare foot, slowly marking a trail from his ankle to his hip. He penis already standing at attention, he looked over and was met with Jake's devious smile and completely naked form. "Wanna have some fun?"

Dirk cupped Jake's foot, bringing it to his mouth, sucking on his toes, one at a time. Jake giggled and used his other foot to gently rub Dirk's harder, earning a very loud groan from his paramour. The blonde ran his tongue alone the light callus on the ball of Jake's foot, the taste of soap and the smell of cranberries filled his nose. Jake laughed a little louder, as the prince moved to suck on the arch of his foot. "Stop Dirk, you know I'm really ticklish there."

His protests were ignored as Dirk gripped the foot with both hands, rubbing his face against flesh. The page lifted his other foot, to Dirk's face. Earning a groan from his victim as Dirk pressed both feet to his face, soon taking the one he had been lavishing with attention and placing it against his crotch, rutting against it as he began sucking on the toes of the new foot.

Every time his tongue ran along the glorious ridges of Jake's now pointed foot he lost a little more of his breath and grinded a bit harder against the glorious appendage on his dick. He wanted to fuck Jake's feet so bad. "Mmm…please Jake." Desperate licking "Can we…?"

"Hmmm…"

"Please, fuck, please." Involuntary buck of his hips, he needed it.

"Will you blow me after?"

"Yes, best fucking blow job of your life."

"Alright." Jake reclined back, pressing his feet flat against each other. He had ridiculously high arches (one of Dirk's favorite things about his feet). Dirk licked the gap between his feet before coating the edges of the space with a light layer of lube. Grasping Jake's ankles and rising to his knees, Jake's back on the bed with his feet in the air. Dirk slowly pushed his dick through the gap, groaning as he watched his own actions, soon thrusting fast and erratically.

Jake watched in amusement, mostly; it was hard not to get off a little on Dirk's grunts and moans. He always found it weird watch Dirk fuck his feet, with precum dribbling from the blonde's tip.

It wasn't long before Dirk climaxed, his cum spurting across Jake's body, making the brunette moan and stroke himself a little to relieve the building pressure.

"Fuck, that was awesome."

"Well, I jolly over the butter biscuit moon, love, really. But I bloody need you on my adventure pistol." The page whined.

Dirk was still too hazy in his afterglow to do more than follow order, swallowing Jake down immediately and bestowed well deserved attention to Jake's cock.


	47. DirkJake16

_**Notes:**_ _**Prompt:Jake calling Dirk at work to try and fluster him by saying how much he wishes Dirk was there and telling him he's so ready for his cock and he wants Dirk to fuck him over his work desk but what he doesn't know is that Dirk is on speaker and Roxy Jane Rose and Dave all have varying degrees of horror and amusement on their faces. That day when they all meet up for drinks Jake is the recipient of quite a few odd keeps telling Jake to stop because's he's at work and he sounds all tense and Jake takes it as a victory and gets more brazen, moaning and maybe even saying something embarrassing like calling Dirk master and everyone's heads IMMEDIATELY spin to Dirk. He wants to whimpering about how he's such a fricking trollop and he wants Dirk to lay one on his caboose so terribly and yet Dirk's boner is still threatening to cut through his slacks.**_

 _ **Alright, this was getting too long for a drabble so it's only half. I'm actually going to post a sequel using request prompt 293 (I was surprised something would actually work with the idea I had). In the sequel we'll see Dirk return home, angry and aroused B) Because I just have to.**_

Dirk was sitting in one of the conference rooms with Roxy, Rose, and Dave. A meeting for the family business that could easily been done at home, but they preferred to keep their jobs as separate from their home lives as possible. They were going over the budget for Dave's next movie when the phone rang, Jake's number flashed across the ID. He rarely called, and the others said they didn't mind, mild concern on their faces, which promptly melted away as soon as Jake spoke.

Jake was feeling a bit devious today, his fantasies roaming to the rougher side of amorous activities. Dirk had been too gentle, especially recently. Even when he tried to be rough he would become sentimental half-way through and sex would melt into tender caresses and sweet sex. Not that that wasn't nice, but it wasn't what Jake wanted. Maybe he could have some fun today and piss Dirk off enough to come home and fuck him hard. Picking up his phone he dialed Dirk's work number.

"Jake?"

"Howdy Dirk. I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

"Well-"

"Marvelous, do you know what I'm think of right now? …I'll give you a hint, I stark naked in our bed."

The heat rose to Dirk's face as he reached to turn off the phone, when Roxy, who's spent entirely too much time with Jane, pulled the phone to her side of the table. Earning a thumbs up from Rose and a mixture of amusement and horror from Dave.

"Jake-"

"I wish you were here. All I can think of is your big thick tallywhacker up my rump." Jake moaned "Wouldn't you like that Dirk, your great _giant_ sword tearing up my ass. Mmmm, especially over that desk of yours. Wouldn't you love to slam onto you work space and spread me over the spread sheets?"

At the last sentence Rose was smirking and Roxy was giving him a thumbs up, while Dave took that moment to scrawl in big letters on his notebook "Don't you dare! I have to touch that shit."

"Jake, you need to stop." Dirk's voiced strained with embarrassment and more arousal than he'd like to admit.

Jake could hear it and moaned loudly. "Wouldn't you like your little harlot tied up and begging for your cock? You know how much of a rocket trollop I am, especially for your huge rod of adventure. You could penetrate my throat while, calling me all those filthy things. C'mon Dirk, say them, you know the ones."

Roxy and Rose looked at him mostly entertained, partly confused; Dave chose to cover his ears, a new sign made from his notebook resting against his head, down on the desk. "Make it Stop."

"Jake, you can't call my work like this, I have stuff to do."

"But I want to ride your disco stick."

"Stop using Lady Gaga references."

"You liked it last week."

"Jake I'm serious. I'll get home when I get home. You are keeping me from getting stuff done so I can actually get home."

"You never take a day off, please master, I need you."

The three snapped their focus from the phone to Dirk. Rose's smirk was bordering on a smug smile, Roxy was shaking from trying to keep her laughter in, and Dave's mouth was hanging open, apparently his hands weren't very affective blocking the sound out.

"Oops, I'm sorry, I should say **senpai**. Oh please, senpai, come here and help me with my homework~"

Roxy ended the call just before falling into the loudest fit of giggles anyone had ever heard from her.

Rose looked at him, with a deadpan expression and a twinkle in her eye. "Dirk, I think it's best that you take the rest of the week off and sort stuff out at home, we are trying to run a business here. You'll still get paid, and I think you should give these people a visit. Rose slid a business card across the table, a sex toy shop, very amusing. She seemed to think herself clever, as she sashayed out of the conference room. Roxy was sputtering in her hysterical giggles. Dirk couldn't understand anything, but gleaned something about his sex practices, but every time she got to the word "senpai," she became incomprehensible. She fell twice on her way out the door from the sheer force of her laughter, while Dave refused to look at him. The knight helped Roxy out the room before closing the door behind them. Leaving Dirk with a very painful boner and stewing in complete humiliation.


	48. DirkJake17

_**Notes:**_ _**#6816: Sight of come on his partner's face makes Dirk feel dominant. It really does.**_

 _ **Sequel to the last chapter.**_ _***cough* I um…had a lot of fun writing this. *Blushes***_

Jake waited for the door to open, he was reading, clad in nothing but those tiny hunter green short-shorts with the removable lace rear flap, that Dirk loved. He was a few steps away from the door, posed seductively against the wall.

He jumped when the door slammed open and almost immediately slammed shut. Dirk was on him in moments, hot mouth against his, rutting against him. "You dirty little fucker. Never call me at work again." Jake could feel his shoulders being pushed down, he complied as Dirk's dick was almost immediately pressed to his mouth. He accepted it with enthusiasm, Dirk being rougher than ever before, shoving it into his mouth, taking only moment before yanking Jake's hair, guiding his head back and forth. "You like my cock, don't you slut? Take it all in, that's right. Fuck, that's right. Little whore." Jake moaned and pressed his thighs together, desperate for some relief, his own boner pushing against the unforgiving fabric of his shorts. "That's right, moan slut." Dirk withdrew his dick, slapped Jake across the face and forced the page's mouth back open, shoving his penis as far in as it would go, making Jake gag, but not letting up. "Fuck. You've been a bad boy Jake, very bad. And.." Dirk took hold of Jake's head, fucking his throat, completely degrading the smaller male and punctuating each thrust with a word. "You. Must. Be. Punished. Slut. Fucking. Ngh." He pushed Jake off him just in time for cum to coat Jake's face.

The adventurer sat there, looking up dazedly and completely turned on. His vision half blocked by his boyfriend's fluid. He looked up at with the one eye that wasn't covered and felt his dick twitch. The blonde looking at him, panting and red, pupils blown wide and something insanely dominating, piercing, and primal shown in his expression. Jake was completely transfixed until Dirk kneeled down, wiped his fingers across Jake's face and shoves the translucent coated appendages into Jake's mouth. The taste of Dirk's bitter semen lights up his already taxed senses, groaning against them and allows Dirk to finger fuck his mouth. Removing them only to reapply the fingers with semen from his face. Dirk looked savage and Jake was shaking, trembling from overstimulation.

The look of his quaking boyfriend, specks of cum still on his face compounds the sense of power Dirk felt when he came on Jake's face. He wanted to own Jake, completely. He leaned in and kissed his paramour roughly, forcing him completely on the floor, spread out and whimpering as Dirk palmed his tent. He could take Jake here, make him beg for it and tease him until he's sobbing…while that's appealing, there's an even better plan, and with Jake this pliable, he'll go along with it.

"Remember that project I told you about?" Jake gives him a confused look and nods, clearly no idea what Dirk is saying, but fuck it. "I'm going to go grab the stuff, I want you naked, bent over the bed and spread wide for me by the time I get there." That gets the brunette's attention, and he's up and fighting with those beautiful shorts, stumbling down the hallway.

Dirk takes the opportunity to take a breath, good to make Jake wait anyway. He needs a clear head for this. Let's see condoms, towels, and emergency enema kit, and his special lube. He leisurely went about collection his items, taking them one at a time to their room. After placing the towels on the bed he made a point to slap each of Jake's cheeks and whisper in his ear "Don't you dare touch," before leaving once more to find the other items.

After dropping off the enema kit he noticed Jake was tense, like he had had enough time to realize what would happen. Dirk took a few moments to kiss down his spine and reassure him "Don't worry, I won't let anything bad happen. I'll take care of you.

Depositing the condoms on the bed he made a point to caress Jake's ass before gripping them, making him shiver. Kneeling down to his knees, Dirk lapped at Jake's entrance making the male squirm and let out a handful of breathy moans. Just as he seemed to develop a rhythm to his gyrations, Dirk pulled away, returning with his special lube.

The lube was designed to tingle and stimulate Jake's prostate, and when any movement, such as Dirk thrusting, it would heat up and increase the sensation. It was also designed to last an insane amount of time.

Dirk coated Jake's inner walls, polishing the prostate with the substance, and when he removed his fingers Jake was still gripping the sheets and jerking as though he were being fucked. Dirk, hard again from the sight, put on a condom, lest the substance get on his dick, and entered Jake.

He plunged mercilessly into Jake, fucking him hard into the bed, Jake was screaming his name. Dirk felt the page flutter around him before orgasm hit. Dirk fucked him through three consecutive orgasms before Jake was nothing more than a limb body. A few quakes and trembles denoted more orgasms, but Jake was too out of it to do anything other than whine and drool onto the bed.

And still, Dirk continued to fuck him. Again and again he forced himself deeper. "Yeah, look at you. Fucking exhausted from my dick." Jake climaxed again. Dirk pulled out and rolled him over, semen covered his stomach and his eyes were unfocused. Dirk was in him again, watching as his eyes rolled back into his head every so often. Soon making the page climax a final time before coming himself.

A few days later was the family Fourth of July party, Jake's voice was still raspy. Rose gave a knowing smug look. Roxy couldn't look at Jake without giggling, Dave couldn't look at Jake at all.

"What's with your family?"

"What do you mean?"

"They're acting weird."

"….Never call me work again Jake." Dirk whispered

Jake didn't get the hint. "Sorry, no can do. It worked out too well for me." Jake gave a finger pistol and a wink at his boyfriend before making his way over to the food table for some chips.


	49. DirkJake18

_**Notes:**_ _**Based on this art: post/147195605584/all-the-homestuck-shit-hehehehe-wink**_

 _ **I wrote this when I was tired and I'm not entirely sure why it turned out the way it did, but here it is.**_

Jake gripped Dirk's hips, leaving tiny bruises, as he fucked Dirk into the mattress. Over and over he plunged, unwilling to allow Dirk even a moments breath before he slammed into the plush ass once more.

The blonde could do nothing but writhe under the brunette. Whimpers and moans escaping from already breathless lungs. Sharp stings on his ass has Jake's rough palm met smooth vulnerable flesh. "Ahh! Mmmf! AH-AH-AH!"

"Who's the manwhore now."

This hadn't been the plan, Roxy wasn't supposed to see it or open her mouth. It was supposed to be something for Jake to figure out over the holidays. Then, he would try to call Dirk, and Dirk would tell him to be on Skype in twenty minutes. Dirk would surprise him with an image of himself being fucked by the machine he made. And he would watch as Jake gets caught between annoyance and arousal and he would moan Jake's name and watch the brunette wrap his beautiful hand around that enormous cock. And when he was flustered and hot, Dirk would whine how it wasn't enough, how it wasn't _huge_ like Jake and not satisfying enough for him.

The prince wasn't sure which scenario he preferred. Jake pulled at his hair, making his back arch as Jake forced himself deeper. Might as fulfill play it up. "I'm the manwhore, I'm YOUR manwhore. Fuck me harder. Oh god, Jake, you're so big!"

It clearly caught he page off guard, he wasn't used to coherent sentences. "You love my dick, slut?" Jake spanked him again, gripping the reddening cheek with his free hand, the other still tangled in soft hair.

Dirk hissed, "Yes, fuck yes! Please, deeper!"

Jake's speed picked up, slamming into Dirk so hard he almost worried he would his lover. When the sounds of wanton cries reached his ears, all sense of reason was abandoned. Jake plunged a few times into Dirk's warmth before coming inside him, the sensation causing Dirk to join him in sensational bliss.

The two lay in bed after some minor clean up, Dirk wincing, pain already setting in. Jake looked on concerned. "Was I too rough?"

"No, I'm just sore."

Jake went underneath the blanket, intruding fingers touching sensitive skin. Dirk whimpered in discomfort. Jake reemerged with determination and slight panic on his features. "I think you're bleeding. Dirk, I-I'm so sorry." Jake moved to get out of bed and Dirk grabbed his wrist.

"Where are you going?"

"Getting clothes, you're going to the hospital."

"Jake it's 2am and I'm fine."

"You're bleeding!"

"It happens with rough sex."

"You're also in a lot of pain."

"I'm just sore, you fucked me hard."

Jake took Dirk's face in his hands, "You're not dying because of me."

An exasperated sigh, "Over dramatic much? If it doesn't get better, we'll go in the morning."

"But-"

"Please, Jake. Trust me when I say, I'm not in any excruciating pain, I'm just sore."

Jake looked uneasy, but climbed back into bed, holding Dirk with possessive concern. Jake drifted in and out of consciousness that night, and pampered Dirk the next day. Dirk finally agreed to a doctor's visit the following week, nothing was wrong, and Dirk made a point to writing manwhore on his ass when Jake was back from his time in Australia.


	50. DirkJake19

_**Notes:**_ _**Dirk's celebrity BF Jake picking him up from school in a Ferrari when he SPECIFICALLY told him not to do anything that would draw attention and now everyone knows he's dating THE Jake English**_

 _ **I hope you guys don't mind, I was really feeling jealous/possessive Jake with this.**_

"I thought we agreed to be inconspicuous about our relationship."

"Oh come on! It wasn't THAT obvious!"

The two boys were driving down the road, Jake at the wheel, an arrogant smirk playing across his face.

"You showed in a fucking Ferrari! This is a poor town Jake, this car is like a giant fucking billboard with flashing neon lights that says 'LOOK AT ME'!"

Dirk glared at his boyfriend, the celebrity, he played the young Indiana Jones in a major box office film. Dirk was lucky enough to meet him through some fluke event at a convention. He was so personable, like a regular guy. However, he was CERTAINLY flamboyant with his wealth and status.

"Well, what can I say…I'm possessive."

"…What?"

"I saw that guy you were talking to."

"What guy? John?"

"The one who resembles me, he's with you every time I drop in for a surprise visit."

"We're friends."

"…"

"Seriously, Jake, we're friends, that's it. He's dating my sister and sometimes we watch shitty movies together."

Jake seemed to relax a little at the statement.

"So all of this was to compete with John?"

The brunette colored a little and pulled off to the side of the road, Dirk realized at that moment that they were pretty far from home, in a wooded area that had yet to be torn down for housing development. Jake put the car in park and placed the keys in the glove compartment before climbing into Dirk's lap.

"Jake, what're you-" Lips smashed together in a heated desperate kiss. Jake forced his tongue into Dirk mouth, rewarded with a needy whine. He pulled back, already breathless and aroused.

"I did it to show I'm better. I can give you more than he can." The celebrity latched on to his boyfriend's neck sucking hard before biting softly. Dirk jerked against him and he bit harder.

"Fuck Jake." A long loud moan.

"I can make you feel so much better than he ever could." A low growl against the bruising skin and slight grinding of the hips.

Dirk's trembling hands explored a sculpted back and tangled into soft, perfect hair. The blonde dipped his head, eager to return the affection, latching onto his paramour's neck. Jake leaned his head to the side, exposing himself even more. The eighteen-year-old lavished his movie star with attention before Jake reached and reclined the seat all the way back.

Dirk gave him a dazed, questioning look. Jake moved back to the driver's seat, fishing down the side before producing blueberry flavored condoms. He jumped back to Dirk's straining cock, freeing it from its confines. He away his boyfriend's trademark shades away and stares into orange irises as he pops the condom into his mouth and slowly lowers himself towards the erect phallus.

Dirk watches, hypnotized as Jake takes all his cock into that warm mouth. Immediately pulling all the way off him to reveal the blue wrapping on his phallus. The two lock gazes once more, Jake winks and licks his lips before kissing him and sucking on the hollow behind his ear, whispering "I've been fantasizing about this for past few months. You're bigger than I thought. I want to suck on your big, thick, gorgeous cock, Dirk. Please, let me." Each word grew in volume and by the last sentence Jake's voice was nothing but a breathy wanton moan.

Dirk keened "Fuck, yes. Please." He felt Jake smile against his skin before moving lower and enveloping his member in that perfect mouth.

Jake was better than Dirk thought he would be, he wondered as a pang of jealousy hit him, how many times Jake had done this before to get so good. The thought dissolved as he felt a hand cradle his balls and a tongue swirl around his tip.

"Nnnngh."

Jake popped off him, much to Dirk's dismay. "Hey, no keeping in your noises, I drove us out here for a reason. I want to hear your lewd noises while I suck on your tallywhacker."

"Must you call it that?"

"I'll stop when you stop keeping what I want from me."

Before Dirk could retort Jake was back on him, sucking harder than before, mouth and hands on his junk and massaging his thighs. It was an intense experience, Dirk couldn't hold back.

"Fuck! Like that-oh god! Jake! JAKE!" He heart was beating out of his chest the pressure built and broke free, releasing into the contraceptive.

Jake watched him as he basked in the afterglow. Kissing his face and neck and chest, whispering every once in a while "You're mine. All mine."


	51. DirkJake20

_**Notes:**_ _**#3045: Dirk's/Bro's hands almost never leave their partner's ass during sex.**_

 _ **There's very little of this prompt in the actual fic. Sorry. It started out way raunchier, then at some point during the last 24 hours, it turned into fluffy gay dating dads without their kids for the evening, getting a chance to bang.**_

The two of them fell into Dirk's apartment, gasping hot mouths and lewd grabbing. Someone slams the door shut as the taller male tries to direct them to the couch, when his phone alarm goes off, reminding him of his responsibilities. Forced to pull away from his paramour's embrace, he groans and shakes his phone, "Gotta check on Dave."

The expression of lust on the other's face is replaced by a realization. "Righto, thanks for reminding me." Jake pulled out his own phone, texting to his daughter, reminding her not to pet stray dogs.

Dirk was on the phone, "Hey, Dave? You get there all right? You remember everything? Toothbrush, sleeping bag? What about your epipen?" Dirk looked over at Jake, "Is Jade there? She have everything? Alright, Oh- The fireworks, _do not_ try to light those yourself, alright. Have Mr. Egbert do that. I mean it Dave, I don't want to get a phone call that you're in the emergency room missing three fingers, alright. You like your fingers Dave? Don't fucking light those fireworks. Okay. Alright, alright, I let you go. Bye, love ya little man. Ha ha. You're still little to me. Beat me in a strife and I'll stop."

Dirk ended the call and turned to seem Jake watching him with a dreamy expression, he moved fluidly over to the blonde, remove his shades and laced his dark arms around the pale neck, lips almost touching. "You're really cute when you're being parental. Jade's there, right?"

"Yep, everything set, the night is ours."

"It's been too long."

"Way too long." They kissed once more, first in sweet loving adoration, melting into an inferno of repressed desire. Dirk pulled away breathless, "How do you want to..?"

"I want to ride you." Jake was back on him, forcing him onto the sofa, lavishing his neck with attention. The buff male, exposed his neck further, pulling at Jake's shirt.

Clothes were shed, lube was retrieved and the two held each other close as Jake kissed every place he could reach and Dirk had his fingers knuckle deep in his boyfriend. The warmth of the adventurer's body and wetness of lube, coupled with a few delectable needy whines from the man in his lap made Dirk moan, "Fuck you're tight. Mmm, Jake. I want in you. Want you spread around my cock, fuck you till you scream." His voice nothing but a growl.

"Yeah, fuck, fuck me."

The blonde slid inside and Jake started to bounce, pale hands grabbed tan hips, "Wait, let me just…fuck I want to look at you." , his hands moving to cup that perfect ass.

The darker male leaned back, a red flush visible and his dick pressed against his stomach, his eyes are lidded and a light sheen of sweat graced over his form. "How long are you going to stare at me?" The blush darkened and his cock twitched at Dirk's grin.

"It's been over a month since we last did this, my spank bank needs a deposit."

"You are bloody well about to kill the mood. How about you get AH-"

Dirk did his best to grind into Jake, hitting something in the process. Words no longer seemed important as Jake was bouncing once again and faster than before, his head thrown back and the angle perfect to hit his prostate again and again. Dirk continued to grip the adventurer's plush rump, spreading the cheeks each time their hips met.

Neither lasted long. As they bathed in the afterglow of mutual orgasm, Jake draped over Dirk, both kissing and caressing, hazy glazed eyes meeting in mutual bliss. "We really need to do this more often." Said the blonde as he kissed his boyfriend tenderly.

"Yeah. We should." Smiles and light laughter followed by clean up and cuddles, laying together wrapped in each other, when a high pitched ring pierced their moment.

Dirk pawed for his phone. "Yeah,…..sleeping, what- I was TIRED, not very often I can get a good nap in. What do you want?" And exasperated sigh, "I asked you if you had it an hour ago. So you lied. Alright I'll be over in a bi- what? ….Yes, alright, I'll tell him."

"What was that about."

"Dave forgot his toothbrush and apparently Jade has been trying to get ahold of you."

"Is she alright?!"

"Yeah, she's fine, she forgot her pajamas in the car this morning."

Jake let out a half relieved, half annoyed breath. "I told her over and over to put them in her bag."

"Kids."

"No kidding. So, time to be responsible fathers?"

"It's only eight, it's too light to even start the fireworks, they can wait an hour." Dirk pulled his darling into hug, kissing him softly. The two smiled and allowed their limbs to tangle once more, whispering sweet nothings to each other for as long as time would allow.


	52. DirkJake21

**_Notes:_** **_1143: If you take Dave's or Bro's shades, they orgasm on the spot._**

"C'mon, let me just."

"No." Dirk's lips sealed around Jake's once more, pulling the brunette into his lap, grinding against the page's skin tight shorts.

"But.." A breathy protest laced in lust, only a half lucid thought of his to connect his words.

"No."

"I want."

"Mmmnnn"

"Oh, that's!" Dirk fingers deftly undid the button on the shorts, dipping his hand beneath the waistband into the back, tracing Jake's hole through his underwear.

"You like that?"

"Yeah, oh-oh GOD, yes."

"Good." Dirk kissed his neck, the pointy shades digging into dark skin.

"Dirk, I'm serious, those shades need to come off."

"No can do adventure boy." Dirk sucked harder in his neck, Jake moaned and squirmed in Dirk's grip.

"I want to see all of you."

"You will."

"Now." A small whine. Jake finally let his inner aggression take hold, pushing Dirk away and whipping the eye wear from his face.

Orange irises barely visible, pupils blown wide enough to devour Jake hole. The blonde's mouth hung open as he twitched slightly, his face coloring a deep red over pale skin. His whole body was ridged for moments before collapsing into his boyfriend.

"That was…unexpected."

"I told you not to take off my shades."

"I didn't think you'd cum!"

Dirk shoved Jake onto his back, ripping the shirt from his torso, and tugging the shorts past his hips. "Just shut up and forget about it, alright." Red now from humiliation, Dirk took all of Jake into his mouth, licking the underside and cradling the testicles with his hands.

"S-sure. Just-fuck- keep doing that."


End file.
